Journal Entry of a Subordinate Group Member

Many Asian families migrated to the U.S. in search of a better life for their children. A better life for many Asian families meant a fair education, freedom of speech, and freedom of choice. Many Asian families left their homeland because of war, the fear of their own regime. During the War between Vietnam and Cambodia my parents fled to Thailand. The war killed many innocent people. My parents were afraid we would not one of them so they fled to Thailand. Within a few years, the legal paperwork to sponsor us to the U.S. was approved.

My parents migrated from Asia while I was 4 years old. I have no prior knowledge of my life in Asia or the trip to the U.S. However, I am very grateful to my parents for making that decision. We left Thailand migrated to the U.S. My grandparents already lived in the U.S. for a several years and they processed the necessary paperwork to legally bring us over. We landed on U.S. soil, and settled in a very beautiful city, Sioux Falls, South Dakota; we arrived by plane. It was our very first plane flight.

I was very excited because I realized I had lots of cousin to play with. I also found out I will have a little brother soon. Growing up in the U.S. was fun, and challenging. In school, I encounter my first embarrassing moment. The teacher could not pronounce my name. As I got older, I got used to it and was very proud of my name. During the childhood years, my cousins and friends all gave ourselves American names.

After preschool my parents decided Sioux Falls, S.D. was too cold so we packed up and move. My parents could adjust to the lifestyle in S.D.; the lack of interaction with other Asian family; the lack of Asian food brought my parents to the state I am in now. We moved to Los Angeles, California; where my uncle lived. He too just moved from Indianapolis. According the U.S. Census Bureau, there is only 0.6 percent Asian living in South Dakota, while California has 12.4%. No wonder my parents moved to California.

Throughout elementary I made several friends. However I stayed within my peer group of Asian friends. We had more in common and were brought up with the same cultural beliefs and it made it easier. We like similar foods and had similar rules at home. It was not easy for a non-Asian person to understand why we could not come out and play when we had chores at home to do. It was not easy for a non-Asian person to understand why girls could not have friends that were boys. Smith (2007) stated that "Asian Americans tend to show greater preference for member of their own racial background".

As the oldest child in the family, I was faced with many more responsibility. In 3^rd grade, I led my siblings and cousins home from school. The walk was close to 1 mile; I was responsible to safely drop each child home. When I got home with my siblings, I had to make sure they were fed. Wash the dishes, sweep the floors and do the laundry. I was punished if they were not bath by the time my parents came home. My own desire and priorities were the last on my list. As the eldest, my siblings well being was the priority.

I worked extra hard on my homework because I knew that my parents sacrifice a lot to bring me to the U.S. where education was mandatory and free for all children regardless of race, gender and income level. I exceeded in all my courses except for English. It was difficult to learn English when I did not practice English at home. At home we were forced to speak only Chinese because of two reasons. Reason one; my parents don't speak in English. Reason two; they did not want us to forget our native language. It was hard to assimilate the English culture when you are only a young child and have no saying power at home.

As much as I loved my brother dearly, I also envy the leniency he had growing up. He was able to have friends over, talk to friends on the phone and join afterschool team such as basketball. I was not able to join the track team because I was a "girl" with "Asian blood" and it was not good for a "typical Asian girl to be to social". Growing up I lack the social skills and was always the shyest one. I still am. Birthday celebration and party was hosted for my brother only. It was obvious by ten years old that a male son was celebrated because he will carry on the family's name. Did you know the terms for grandmother and grandfather is different if you are a child of the female child and male child. For example, my kids will call my parents in Chinese "wie po" and "wie go" translated to English the individual characters means "wie"= outside, "po"= grandmother, "go" grandfather. However, my brother's kids will call my parents "mama" and "yeah yeah", also means grandmother and grandfather. A very interesting concept, that shows Asian's are sexist.

Out of rebellious intention; I chose to marry at young age, which is huge mistake and comes with a huge price. I married a Vietnamese man and my parents were hysterical. Stereotype played a role in them feeling this way. They believed Vietnamese destroyed their homeland and terrorized their neighborhood. Therefore, all Vietnamese were not good people. Another reason, Chinese should not marry someone out of our ethnic group. Third, Chinese ladies are not allowed to pick their spouses. My parents, uncles and aunts were all married through arranged marriage. I was devastated that I did not have their blessings. However, I chose to marry anyway.

Twelve years later, reality comes to close for comfort. My brother announced he is getting married next summer. My brother is engaged to a Caucasian woman and my parents are delighted. There was not mention of this being out of the ordinary "typical Asian culuter". The reason my parents ignored this fact, because he is the male child. He was living with his girlfriend for over three years; and my parents did not complain. I was not allowed to even have a boyfriend in high school.

During my 12 years marriage I encounter even more sexist encounters. I honestly believe interracial marriage is good for the world and for you. This is only true, if you marry a completely different race. Chinese marrying a Vietnamese does not completely take me into another ethnic group. My husband believed that the man dominates the house and sets the rules. Once again, I fought for my own rights and freedom of speech. Ironic to feel that way, when my parents came to America because we all have freedom of speech; yet I need to fight for it at home. This feeling became unbearable when my first child arrived and it was a little boy. My husband was very excited and so were my parents. Because I had a little boy, my parents and my husband reconcile and became civil with each other. My parents agreed to because they wanted to be in their grandson's life.

I wanted to continue to pursue my education; but with the lack of support from my family. I was left with no choice. I could not bear my child crying while I struggle to finish my homework. My husband did not believe a woman should pursue higher education than what is required by the law. Since I already received my high school diploma, I could not continue my education further. His actions told me so when I was filling out my college application, the baby cried and he refused to get up to care for the baby. He believes that I should do that since I am the mother. I cried but quickly stop; because I knew crying could not solve the problem. I cried because I felt the American dream is only for the "real Americans" not "The want to be Americans". My husband told me that I am an immigrant and therefore, the equal speech is not for me. Liang (2007) states that "The Perpetual Foreigner Racism subscale measures the stress related to the perception that all Asian Americans are immigrants and non- native "Americans""

After that last discussion with my husband, I became withdrawn and overly sensitive. My doctor later told me that I may be suffering from baby blues syndrome. Later that was elevated to depression. I cried a lot, moody all the time, thought everything was my fault, felt insecure about myself. Constantly doubted my husband and imagine him cheating on me. The doctor suggested that I find full time work to keep my mind and soul busy.

I found work at an importing firm. I was also overly sensitive at work. Whenever the manager talk to me a little bit harsh, I would break out in tears. However, overtime I managed to swallow the tears. I worked hard to prove my ability and myself. I wanted to company to see that I was making this job my career and not 9-5 job. My hard work paid off, the company treated me well and promoted me rather quickly. At the office I found myself and define who I am today. I became confident and realize and learned that if I contributed to the family's earnings I have the power to speak. Sadly enough, I did not feel I owned anything at home because I was an Asian woman. I learned that in America, women and men are equal. Since my husband still made more money than I did, it was my next goal; to earn more money than him in the next ten years.

Here I am 26 years later after arriving into the U.S. I am enrolled in Axia College towards earning an Associate degree. Enrolling in Axia College took a lot of work and time. It took me 12 years for me to gain this respect from my husband and family. The only reason I received his respect because I earned more money. He knows there was no way I could have earned more money unless I worked hard. I worked hard to establish myself in the office. I worked hard to study and learn about the American culture so I can fit in and casually join my office peers in conversation. I worked hard to speak the English language, write and understand the culture so I could communicate with customers and earn the respect of my manager.

Finally after 12 years, I finally get to purse my education with my own earned income. However, I still struggle with his participation in caring for the kids. He still believes regardless of what the wife does or the responsibility and availability of time, the wives are still to continue caring for the kids. The only time I have real school time is after the kids are in bed. Prior to that I need to keep the house clean, and care for the kids. However, he has also come a long way too.

I pledge that Pluralism is good and so does my husband. Yet he believes that he respects that everyone is allowed to express their own culture, this means he can too. But he believes the western culture is far too extreme for our family. Such as the stereotype, "Western women are too promiscuous to be a loving wife". Being in the minority, gender group does have a burden on your shoulder. We practice bilingualism daily because my parents still insist of Chinese and I have to use English at home because my kids don't speak or understand Chinese anymore.

References

Chan, A. (Summer/Fall 2005). Becoming Chinese American, A History of Communities and Institutions. Journal of International Migration & Integration , 547-549. Retrieved July 7, 2007, from EbscoHost database.

Liang, C. A. (April 2007). The Role of Coping in the Relationship Between Perceived Racism-Related Stress for Asian Americans: Gender Diferences. Journal of Counseliing Psycholoy , 132-141. Retrieved July 7, 2007, from EbscoHost database.

Smith, T. B. (June 2007). Racial Attitudes Amoung Asian and European American College Students: A Cross-Cultural Examination. College Student Jouranl , 436-443. Retrieved July 7, 2007, from EbscoHost database.

U.S. Census Bureau. (2005). Percent of the Total Population Who Are Asian Alone: 2005 Universe Total Population. Retrieved July 7, 2007, from http://factfinder.census.gov