Journey to My Shadow

I carefully open up my hidden Memories.

Thoughts and places forced into the darkest Place of my subconscious.

Deeply hidden, there they lay,

held by Chains, forged by my own making.

Reluctantly I gaze upon my "Children",

those despairing things I once gave life.

Obediently they stay only once in a while they raise their Voice.

But when they raise those Voices,

Oh when they raise those Voices,

I can not hide nor drown them out.

Those shrill Voices have Names

And those are:

Guilt and Shame.

And so I climb those steep Stairs,

take those narrow Passages

and journey to my Shadows.

Here I am greeted by a woman I don't like,

arrogant is she;

a failure is she;

loud is she;

dependent is she.

Her Tears flow like acid rain,

leaving destructions in its Path.

Her smile is cold and doesn't reach her eyes.

She is weak.

I don't like her ~ the woman is I

"my Shadow"

my hidden Self.

I ask that thing that I can not bare to be:

"Why do you have to be so arrogant?"

She smiles, head high: " So no one sees my fear."

"Why do you have to always be a failure?"

She smiles, shoulder low: " Because I fear to really try!"

"Why do you have to be so loud?"
She smiles and barely whispers: "I fear to be forgotten."

"Why do you have to be so dependent?"

She smiles and her Back straightens: "Because I have no worth my-self."

Her eyes fill with those acid tears and I reach out to stop her, shake her.

Condemn her, but then she smiles.

She smiles that smile that doesn't reach her eyes and I reach out to stop her, shake her.

Hit her face, but then she stops and just stands there.

Weak, pathetic, blank and I hate her - hate my-self- for she is I.

Then I realize, there is my Shadow

that she at least

was honest,

honest with me

and so I melt.

Embracing that scared little girl

and finally accept my-self.