Joyful Memories of Easter Bring Spiritual Renewal

With a gentle caress, the sunlight slowly filled the mesh opening of the small pup tent in which I lay. Gradually, the heavy blanket of slumber slipped from my subconscious and I became aware of the soft sounds of a warm spring morning. The birds were already awake and calling to each other with joyful voices, as well as to my small, slumbering form, to wake and see what the Easter Bunny had left for me and my many brothers and sisters. I peeked out of the tent doorway and I suppose with my night's dreams still dancing through my head, imagined clusters of lollipops, chocolate bunny rabbits and colorful Easter eggs dotted the dewy grass before me. Joy filled my heart and I quickly rose with a stifled squeal...but, alas, it was only my fevered imagination! My happiness slipped out like a deflated balloon. Still, it was a beautiful spring sunrise and I rose to wake the other sleeping members of my family. It was Easter morning and once again, we were camping in Tyler State Park, among the towering pines and fresh air of East Texas. How could you be unhappy on a morning such as this?

Back then in the golden days of my childhood, holidays such as Easter were inextricably linked with both the secular aspects of the imaginary creatures that brought such joy along with the ritualized celebrations of my Catholic upbringing. And although both brought disappointments as I grew up and let go of the comfort of imaginary beings, still I will always recall with fondness those happy moments when all things seemed possible and perfect joy filled my soul.

Today, as our world is rocked by strife, often in the name of religion, I ponder the true meaning of the message of Easter, as I sift through my childhood Easter memories. Whether your belief encompasses the story of Jesus as the actual presence of God made flesh in our lives, or perhaps as just a very good man, who once lived and preached a message of love, a revered prophet as in the Muslim tradition, or never heard his name spoken at all, still, his story and message has a Truth for all of us. It is a message of hope and renewal, and even more important in these days that can seem so dark at times, it is a message of light and joy.

The gloom of Ash Wednesday brought an inner pride as I went through my Catholic girlhood days, conscious of the smudge of ashes on my forehead, and not a touch of embarrassment if a trip to the grocery store was required that afternoon, still I knew that rite somehow set us apart from the "non-believers". I am unsure of how other faiths celebrate Easter, as growing up in a parochial school kept us somewhat isolated from other religions and their own celebrations and rituals. The time of Lent, seen as a cleansing of both my physical body and soul, as I fought to keep up my pledge of abstinence from chocolate or whatever small sacrifice I had chosen, takes on new meaning as I contemplate that past ritual. It's been many years since I willingly abstained from a substance for religious reasons, but my own forced abstinence from wheat and gluten in my present life to heal my body reminds me of that childhood and religious practice. Abstinence has been performed throughout history for both religious and secular reasons, but the cleansing and healing feeling it can offer, is universal.

My Easter memories will always be seen through the haze of the smoky cloud of incense, the ringing of bells and the forest of green fronds waving throughout the air as we joyfully celebrated Jesus' arrival on Palm Sunday. But sadness and despair reined throughout the week as we walked his dark journey with him through the Stations of the Cross, culminating in his death and crucifixion on Good Friday. For a young child, these were strong and powerful images, meant to impress upon us the consequences of sin and the true sacrifice our God was willing to bear for our turning away from his love.

I'm not sure I truly understand even now, why in Christian belief we are considered so sinful that a loving God must die for us. For I choose to focus my life on the other message of Easter, that of resurrection, and most of all, the message of Joy. We all suffer death throughout our life, be it the true death of a parent or spouse, the unbearable agony of the loss of a child, or even the smaller, but still incredibly painful ending of a marriage or loss of trust in a wayward spouse. We even experience the death of our hopes and dreams with the demise of a job or health. Our journey through this world can be so difficult, so painful. But always there is the promise of resurrection and life, of finding a sense of peace and hope through our pain, of once again feeling delight and happiness, even as we know that we will never be the same and that our hurts will have a lasting effect upon us. That to me is the true meaning of Easter and what my Easter memories cause me to hold onto most dearly...the complete and utter joy that I felt as a child waking up on a beautiful, warm spring day full of possibilities and renewal and most of all, full of life!