Judge Punishes Noise Offenders with Manilow Music

If you crank up your mega-watt car stereo or boom box in Fort Lupton, Colorado, and exceed the city's noise limits, you could be faced with a punishment that some could construe as torture. Or possibly cruel and unusual punishment.

Of course, that depends on your particular demographic category. You see, the city's judge, Paul Sacco, applies the strict punishment about four times a year to those noise offenders. It's the punishment fitting the crime, according to the judge.

The crowded courtroom usually consists of young adult offenders, and they are subjected to one solid mind-numbing hour of musical selections by the likes of Barry Manilow, Dolly Parton, the Carpenters, and my favorite, Barney! Ha ha! I can just picture the young punks squirming in their seats, their faces grimacing and wincing as they try not to listen to the musical hit parade provided by Judge Sacco.

During the full hour of this grueling punishment, they are not allowed to chew gum, eat, drink, read or even sleep.

"When you have a person playing rap at extreme volumes all over the city, and they have to sit down and listen for an hour to Barry Manilow, its horrible punishment," he said.

This unusual punishment has been used by the city since the 1990s, and Judge Sacco said there have only been a few repeat offenders. He also said that many other judges from around the country have borrowed his idea and used it in their jurisdictions.

I don't know if one hour is sufficient, though. When one has to listen to some pinhead booming his crap that passes for music at 2,000 watts of power through giant bass woofers, I would suggest that a full day of listening to whatever they hate would be more appropriate. Then if they are stupid enough to be a repeat offender, I would blow out their eardrums so they can't enjoy their "music" anymore. Excessive you say? I think not.

There's enough noise in not only cities, but also in suburbs and rural areas. I recently experienced it even here in the upstate New York region. It was in the winter and my windows were closed, of course. I heard a booming sound and rhythmic vibrations assaulting my home. It turns out a bonehead had his car stereo blasting from a mile away. If I could have gotten away with it, I would have taken my shotgun and blasted his annoying sound system to Bose heaven.

Judge Sacco has the right idea and is on to something. Make the criminal experience the pain that the victims suffer. I would extend that to all crimes, but I know the ACLU would come out from under their rocks and declare it unconstitutional.

To borrow a line from a recent criminal philosopher, "don't Barry me, bro!".