Jump Back into the Dating Pool Successfully

One of the most daunting things about being single again is going back into the dating scene. When I was first separated from my ex wife I thought it would take a long time before I would be interested in dating seriously again and even longer before I had another serious relationship. After all, dating for a man is the process of continuously exposing yourself to the threat of rejection. Then the next day I came back to reality and decided the best way to get over a relationship is to start dating casually rather than risk becoming the creepy old guy down the street who's got the lawn all the neighborhood kids dare each other to cross. I also didn't want to wait so long to start dating again that I would turn into this guy. Or one of these guys.

Dating for a woman is just as intimidating. What if you go out with someone and they turn out to be a stalker or some other sort of crazed lunatic? It's even more complicated when children are involved because you have to juggle quality time with them with your own personal life as well as deciding when and if to introduce your dates to your children. If only there was a guide to take the guesswork out of this stressful time. Never fear, just scroll down and you will find the answers you seek.

Tip #1: Calm down it's not as bad as you think.Dating tips for single parents are not too different from dating tips for singles without children. You still have to be careful about how much information to share with the person you date and you need to make sure the person you're dating likes children and is open to the idea of a "ready made family". The truth is a single parent is actually a tested commodity. According to topdatingtips.com, "With the deterioration of marriage in modern society and more people living together it is a major fact of life that there are a lot of single parents out there. They have already demonstrated their domestic skills, their fertility, their organizational abilities and their ability to cope under pressure. Therefore you can argue that a single parent is almost top pick amongst out ever increasing pool of singles."

Tip #2: Don't make your children the center of the universe.Our children are definitely important, but remember that eventually they are going to move out of your house. It's very tempting for single mothers to tell their sons that they are the man of the house but from personal experience both with my mother and from watching my oldest son's experience when his mother remarried, it's not a good idea. Kids can be manipulative and too much of them being the center can lead to this. According to ultimateparent.com,"Children flourish when they are raised in a home with happy, balanced parents. The best way to give more to your children is by giving more to yourself: by doing this, you can become a valuable role model for them of a happy, healthy adult". You will also lessen the possibility of conflict with your new spouse when and if you remarry if your children know what their proper role in your home is because you will cut down on territorial behavior by your child.

Tip #3: Get a life and find other people who have lives.The problem with the old guy down the street in the sweater isn't that he started out life as a bad person. He just stayed reclusive for so long that he doesn't know how to relate to the outside world. If you want real life people to be interested in you, you have to have more to talk about than diapers or that cute thing your kid knows how to do. It's entirely possible to find kid friendly daytime activitiessuch as hiking,skating, miniature golf, dance lessons, and going to the gym. Most gym chains have child care and the confidence you will develop from improving your health and appearance will go a long way to making you more attractive as a potential date. It will give you something to talk about when you do go on dates and Also if you go to the gym and are reasonably friendly you'll find a lot of friendly people there which will lead to you getting to know people without the stress normally associated with going out to nightclubs.

Tip #4: I wasn't kidding about that background check.With the advent of online dating and social networking sites, it's often possible to find out a lot about the person you're dating just by doing a google search for their name. You may not want to be as obsessive as Katherine Heigl's character in "The Ugly Truth" but you can still get decent information about the person's interests, hobbies, whether they're married etc. It's no more than what a company would do if you applied for a job with them. You will probably want to make sure that the person you pull up is the person you're actually looking for by the way. I mean if you searched my name on myspace you would find at least one writer, a bass player living in Paris, several 17-21 year-olds with no visible means of support and one "over the road truck driver who's looking for a travel mate". For the record, I am none of those people.

Tip # 5: Schedule your dates for when you DON'T have the children.As adorable as your little angel might be, every man isn't ready to be bombarded with tons of questions from the little guy or girl. Remember the Jerry Maguire car scene? If you don't here it is. In real life everybody isn't ready for that on day one. So rather than throwing the person you're dating into the fire to see if they can handle it, take time to see if you like this person before risking your children becoming attached to someone who may not be around a year from now. Seriously get a babysitter if you have to, you can even share babysitting duties for another single parent in your area by offering to babysit for them when they have a date. However you have to do it, schedule your dates for when you DON'T have the children.

Tip #6: But do let your kids know you are dating again.They'll find out anyway. Just like any other important topic, you need to make it age appropriate but it's important that your kids see that you have moved on with your life especially if there's no chance you will get back together with your ex. Until my father got remarried, I always harbored a hope that he and my mother would get back together. Once he remarried, I stopped worrying about it and actually felt free to love my stepmother as well as my mother and father. Children are a lot more resilient than we give them credit for and they can handle it.

Tip #7: Be smart and safety conscious.It's probably never a good idea to have a man pick you up from your home on the first date if you are a woman for example. That boundary is probably best crossed after you've gotten a chance to know the person and run a criminal background check on them. It would be smarter and put less pressure on the date if you all agreed to meet at the restaurant or movie theater. Then if the date doesn't go well, there's no awkwardness.

Dating is not an exact science but if you focus on developing healthy habits for yourself while building healthy relationships without the pressure to immediately jump into a long term commitment; you'll be a better catch when that special someone does come along.

Sources:
http://www.topdatingtips.com/single-parents.htmhttp://www.ultimateparenting.com/parenting_tips.htmlhttp://www.kidfriendlyguide.com/Category/Services/Adult-Gyms-with-Childcare/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0U5R4KzHHNA&feature=relatedhttp://chicago.metromix.com/movies/essay_photo_gallery/10-great-movie-grumps/1194657/contenthttp://www.break.com/usercontent/2007/8/Creepy-Old-Man-345948.htmlhttp://blogofhilarity.com/2008/11/19/the-16-best-creepy-old-man-photobombshttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0U5R4KzHHNA&feature=related