Just Do Your Homework

Who is the boss anyway? Have we become such a permissive society that defiant children are now controlling our behavior as parents and adults? Are we afraid of saying "because I said so." You have to and I am the one in charge?" When did we become so concerned about the feelings of our children that we stopped allowing them to have experience real life.

So here's the theory. First you simply lay down the law. Make it clear that there are consequences for actions and the student will able to enjoy all the consequences for herself. It goes something like this.

"Everyone who has their homework completed by 7:00 pm is welcome to one hour of television time or computer time." Then stick with the consequences.

She is now complaining that she wants computer time. "I'm sorry you made a choice you are not happy with. I don't argue now. If you want to argue, my arguing time is 5:30 am on Saturday morning."

It's good to let the teacher know the method of discipline you are using. Allow them to explain any consequences they see fit for not completing homework. They may miss recess. They may fail tests. Support the teacher and allow them enough flexibility to tailor consequences that will reach the defiant child.

When the child comes home with a failed test do not accept the responsibility. "Looks like you may have made some choices that weren't so great. Sorry that your work looks like you don't know the material. I am sure you will find a way to work it out." This approach clearly states it is not your problem. You have completed school and it is their turn now.

"People who eat at our table are polite. Those who are not don't have dinner."

It is important to make enforceable consequences. If the parent can not stand behind them here is no point in saying them. That just leads to mistrust.

"When your homework is completed you are welcome to leave the table." Are willing to let them sit there all night? If so this is an enforceable consequence.

Once you get the hang of logical consequences it becomes easier to work with children. You gave give them choices that reach the same out come.

You may want to try statements like:

"It's time to do homework. Would like to do it at the table or the desk?" You are still giving them a choice.

"Homework has to be done before dinner. Would you like to do it now or in ten minutes?"

"Friends can come over after home work is done. Would you like to do your homework now or after dinner?"

Explore the pay off the child gets from being defiant. Is it attention from adults and teachers. Do they differentiate the difference between good and bad attention? Stop giving them the pay off they enjoy and perhaps they will change their behavior.