Just Plain Wrong: Disney

Remember when you were younger and Disney movies never used to make you feel....dirty?

Then you get older and you witness the film and its contexts with new eyes?

Rest assured, it's not the most humbling feeling.

I've had many of these sour revelations recently after re-watching Disney's The Little Mermaid with my nephew several months ago. I was optimistic at the time that my childhood memories of Ariel and her story would have a nostalgic affect on me. Unexpectedly, I was not so fortunate. It was then that I realized the animators, the writers, ALL involved in the project, were secretly pedophiles living out their disturbed fantasies through a teenage mermaid. Shocking, no?

Need proof? Let's start at the start. (I'm assuming that those reading have hopefully seen the film, as it is a classic of modern animation. If not, the remainder of this rant will mean null).

Firstly, in the film, Ariel is said to be sixteen years old. Ah, sweet sixteen. Time for budding romances, blog updates, and shopping for lip gloss. And, apparently, time for making gestures and poses fit for runway models. In pristine form, the glamour shots of her (swirling hair, seaside silhouettes, etc.), especially to me now, seem to have been targeted at a more...sexually active demographic. Take the picture of Ariel to the left, for example. Does she look 16 to you? Be honest, now!

Correct answer: no. She appears older. Shots of her like this happen quite regularly during the film, and are often inexplicably paired with scenes that make her look like the teenager she was supposed to be. How can there be any excuse for these "mixed signals" in a Disney film?

There are certain scenes in the movie where, after reviewing them, gave me these odd feelings. What were these animators thinking? Realistically, the teens today are bad enough, as were the throngs of teenagers during my decade, the '90s. But not sweet Ariel! The main point here is that she was clearly made out to be either A). every creep's pedophilic fishy wet dream, B). a 19-year-old said to be a 16-year-old so they could get away with those underwater AWOOGA shots and on land "my merhair is covering my budding breasts" scenes, or most likely C). all of the above.

But Ariel herself is not the most disturbing and upsetting thing about The Little Mermaid at all. Oh, no. Remember Prince Eric? Her love interest? First impression, how old do you think he is?

If you said between the ages of twenty-one and twenty-six, you are more than likely right. Getting that odd feeling yet? All sixteen-year-old girls fantasize about "the older guy," so this is perfectly normal on Ariel's part as a teenage character. But the fact that Prince Eric is obviously old enough to pay his own taxes, to have had many one night stands, yet still has the cringe-worthy urge to fall in love with this underage merbabe, is nasty. And then he marries her in the end. Ugh.

I understand that during the time frame of this film's story, such large differences in age were a normal affair for courtships. Young women were married at a now modernly defined unacceptable age. But still, Ariel is the youngest and only legally minor Disney princess (though from her glamour shots, who would know?) and is mutually loved by a much older man. Believe me. I understand fully that I am discussing the awkwardness of a westernized view of marriage, love, and the legal standings of sexual ambiguity of a fictional couple. Yet the conditions of their relationship and of how the Disney wizards gave such stimulating appeal to a young mermaid is rather disturbing to me now.

Feeling surprised and dirty, yet? The innocence as a ruse, an illusion. Not fun, is it?

At a jaw-dropping pace, all of these things melded into my head when I watched the movie again. What the f--- was Disney thinking? Did they believe that the kids who grew up watching the film would never ask the questions? Did they think we wouldn't figure out these sex-filled faux pas on our own? That we wouldn't piece this sh-- together?

Sorry, Disney. Your lies won't work anymore. I've grown past the fact that Triton's castle is a blatant phallic symbol, even past the fact that those damn flower pedals in The Lion King spell out the word sex. Keep those secrets to yourself from now on. In all earnestness, this mermaid conspiracy is just unacceptable. Neigh, unforgivable. I am disturbed. I am angry. I'll never look at this movie the same way again.

Am I justified in this rant? Is it fair or just of me to reveal this film's obvious lecherous intent to those weened from such classic, now borderline creepy, Disney movies? Is anyone else at odds that Prince Eric would most surely be found guilty of statutory rape in this modern world? I feel so. Having grown up and thrived on these animated masterpieces, it is quite disorientating to have their true licentious undertows thrust into my innocent face so many years later.

Don't fret. It's not all bad. I don't feel cheated or lied to. Only proud enough to have caught the true messages that The Little Mermaid harbors.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be taking a cold shower. Thanks, Disney!