Karen Horney: The District Between the Sexes

(1) What kinds of expectations do women seem to have of men, and (2) vice versa? (3) Do these expectations tend to contribute to hostility in specific ways? Consider Horney's description of expectations in paragraph 8.

Throughout time men and women have struggled for dominance. According to Horney, women originally controlled various societies (called matriarchy). In today's world, men do (called patriarchy). Horney discusses men, women, and children, and uses examples thereof. Horney said, "We all have a natural fear of losing ourselves in another person" (361). Horney spoke of the differences between what men and women expect of each other.

Women expect men to dedicate their love, time, and interest to women. A woman wants to feel loved by someone. If she doesn't receive necessary love, she feels unwanted and becomes depressed. Unfortunately, according to Horney, a woman will not speak up and tell the man in her life what she wants. Horney says women expect certain things from men, including love, of which women retain secretively from within. Such expectations lead to nothing more than disappointment.

Horney says all men want and expect from women is sex. Men see women as nothing more than a sexual tool for their own gratification. Men want women for the same reasons women want men, as Horney described, "The union of the sexes offers us the greatest possibilities for happiness" (369).

Partners have general expectations of each other. Horney wrote, "The very intensity of our feelings of love stirs up all of our secret expectations and longings for happiness, which slumber deep inside us [ . . . . ] The partner is supposed to be strong, and at the same time helpless, to dominate us and be dominated by us, to be ascetic and to be sensuous" (361). Horney basically says one should give oneself to one's partner. Horney also described situations where a man or woman if treated harshly by the opposite sex essentially resents them. "Unpleasant experiences with the opposite sex seem to be unavoidable" (362).

Inevitably these expectations of both men and women lead to hostility towards each other. A man wants sex and women don't always want the same, thus creating hostilities between the two. Men will try to defame a woman's natural functions including menstruating and childbirth. Also, a woman wants attention and affection, which a man doesn't always provide, which leads to even more hostilities between the two sexes. When a woman doesn't receive much attention she becomes depressed, blames her man and dominates him. These expectations do lead to hostility in specific ways, as previously mentioned.

Horney's writing displayed to her readers differences between men and women. Each of them expects something of the other. She used examples and even talked about childhood. She said one's childhood can affect their later views of the opposite sex. If a child has bad memories of getting teased and taunted by the opposite sex, they will grow up with those notions implanted and always feel as though the opposite sex wants to merely tease them. She stated, "Children will undergo painful and humiliating experiences of being rebuffed, being betrayed, and being told lies"(362). Grown men and women also experience the same harsh situations.
Work Cited

Horney, Karen. "The District between the Sexes." A World of Ideas: Essential Readings forCollegeWriters. 6th ed. Ed. Lee A. Jacobus. Boston: Bedford, 2002. 359-370.