Keep Aliens from Abducting You in the Middle of the Night
The first thing you will probably want to do is try to hide from them. Going into a closet will probably do absolutely nothing if you do not have the proper equipment. The best way to keep them from discovering your where about comes from a well known application of tin foil. Simply put tin foil around your head and there tracking device in your skull will malfunction, perhaps even showing that you are deceased on there databanks. Now do not sleep in your typical bed. Sprawl out on the floor of your kitchen or living room for the night. Remember you will want to move from room to room night after night just to keep them stumped as to your location. A wet towel will also mess with the frequency and broadcasting of the tracking chip so but can also cause pneumonia sop do not use.
Another way to keep them away from you is to put a quarantine sign above your bed. This could make the aliens believe that you are stricken with a deadly disease. That will make them not take you up in fear that they will contaminate there ship. That means instead of taking you along to study they will retreat to there space ship and decontaminate themselves.
Whatever you do not get the phony baloney alien away spray. For all you know it could attract them, and the spray might also harm you. If you really want to get rid of them using smells, eat a lot of red meat and beans. This will not be all that good for you're digestive track, but it will produce a lot of smelly flatulent that will probably keep many of them away.
Another way to keep aliens from getting to you is to buy a black van and put a satellite dish on top of it. This will not affect there space craft in any way, but it might make them believe that the government is checking up on the situation.
If all else fails make a sign and put it on your roof. That says perfect human specimen, just make sure that the arrow on the sign is pointed directly at the neighbor that you do not like very much.
Published by Mich Butler
I am an actor who has an affinity for volkswagons. View profile
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3 Comments
Post a CommentYou are dum telling people to quarantine sign above their bed, aleins are telepathic and know if you are sick,they can read your thoughts when sleeping, and the fact that you think they would be stupid enough to fall for that will only anger them.
Thanks for the tip. I thought my neighbor was complimenting me.
funny.