Keep Your Hands Off My 56k: Modern Hi-Speed Connections Are Still Inferior

Considering today's fast-paced world of ours I would like to, if I may dear reader, attempt to transport you back into a gentler time. One where such wonders as DSL, Broadband, and Wi-Fi did not yet exist. One where, if you wanted to connect to the new phenomenon known as the Internet, you had to go through a little modem connected to an even smaller phone outlet in a wall.

At the time, we saw nothing wrong with this. The 56k modem did exactly what it promised to do - it served as our lifeline to that wondrous and intangible destination known as the World Wide Web. We had nothing to complain about then. And, if I may go out on a limb here, we have nothing to complain about now. Sure the 56k may be a bit slower when compared to the newer, flashier options which are presently available to us. But, if you think about it, the 56k offered many conveniences that have since been lost in the name of progress:

Kept Your Phone Line Busy

For one thing, that modem sure came in handy when you wanted to plug up your phone line for a couple of hours. This was especially useful in dealing with telemarketers, mother-in-laws, or that sick psycho who wouldn't stop calling and breathing into your phone every time you picked up. (for the love of Christ man, go buy an inhaler and stop stalking me already!)

Made Information Transfers More Secure

The thought currently on my mind is the concept of Wi-Fi. I don't know about you dear reader, but the simple fact that Wi-Fi operates by sending packets of information through mere air just makes goose bumps pop up all along my arm with the speed of some mutant viral strain. Wi-Fi has made hacking and information phishing all the more convenient. I am at the present too lazy to look up statistics to support this argument, so I will just quote the following:

"When many of the computer industry's top security gurus gathered in San Francisco last month for a conference, a Boston company decided to point its radar toward the airwaves and see how much of the show's wireless activity it could see.

The distressing and ironic answer? The Boston hackers could eavesdrop on more than half of the wireless traffic...at a security conference!" (SF Chronicle 03/12/07)

Kept You from Being Too Technologically Dependent

Do I even need to explain how using slower dial-up can discourage you from being online all the gosh-darned day? Back when three minute mp3s took twenty minutes to download, and two hour movies took days, people decided they had better things to do with their time. This not only reminded people that there was an actual reality outside of virtual reality, but it also kept media piracy to a minimum. (or, what can be considered a minimum when compared to the pirating that goes on nowadays.)

In short, I do not profess that 56k is the best way to go, nor am I trying to start a movement that will revert us all back to a virtual Stone Age or some such thing. This article was meant only as a reminder, that we should be wary of the sacrifices we make in the name of progress.