Keep Your Pants Up

I am so ticked at John Edwards that I could just spit. He had my vote. And now after his actions, I would trust him to sweep my streets. He's like the political version of Tiger Woods. Actually, he's worse than Tiger. To my knowledge, Elin isn't dying of cancer. I feel duped. He's the stereotypical used car salesmen. I has bought it, the entire persona, hook, line and sinker. I walked with my cane to rallies. I worked at phone banks. I was part of Team John Edwards. And then word came of his dalliance.

It seems that one after the other, the clay feet are crumbling. The people we believe in, the people who we thought could keep it together in a storm are slowly becoming a club of insecure, uncaring, selfish boys. They smile standing next to their wives, but are staring at their mistresses in the audience. The Nancy Reagan idea of "Just Say No" obviously didn't mean much. So keep it in your pants. Keep your pants zipped. Leave your partner the task of zipping and unzipping them for you.

Any woman who has had to deal with an adulterous mate, knows that feeling. He doesn't have to be famous (or infamous). We have men who are employed. In this economy, that appears to be enough. What our mates don't seem to understand is that every moment spent with their secret love is a moment that is stolen from the spouse, the children, the family dog. It seems to be if the adulterous party would put one iota into his marraige as he did chasing tail, chasing a dream, that there would be fewer wondering eyes, broken homes (and in the case of Tiger Woods, broken teeth).

It is a copeout to say "it just happened". Nonsense it doesn't just happen. There has to be action on the adulteror's part to get it going. Just saying "no" and moving on would be alot better than just succumbing to the heat of the moment while thinking that you can get away with it. No one ever really gets away with it. We know when something has changed, though we might ignore it, hoping that it will get better and our partner would not suspect that he was out catting around. Well that's the old days. Now there is herpes, AIDS/HIV and a plethora of ailments and diseases that stay in your life long after an indiscretion. In the case of John Edwards, it was a child. Another peeve of mine is that for reasons that fail me, these folks like to say that "it didn't mean anything". uh...okay. Then why did you do it? Tell me that it had to mean something because if it wasn't a viable option, you risked everything for nothing. When you slid between the sheets, did you think about your wife, your family, your marraige or partner ship. Did you consider, as you mounted your lover, that your spouse was at home waiting for you? Your children were peering out of the window at every car that passed. Did you consider anything other than what you wanted?

I counsel women (and a few men) who are coping after discovering the infidelity of the spouse or partner. Make no mistake. Cheating is cheating - physical and often emotional cheating. Just because one doesn't have a sexual relationship doesn't mean that your significant other doesn't feel as if you have been harmless. In a marraige, the lines of communication has to be open, a flowing of words and feelings from to the other and back again.

I did discover that men and women cheat for different reasons (most of the time). Men enjoy the act, the thrill of not getting caught. Women are seeking intimacy, holding hands, someone who "gets" them. Unlike men, it's usually not for the sex, but for companionship. When there are crises, we should seek comfort in each other. Together we are stonger. After loving the god of your understanding, our care of and commitment to each other should be the most important parts of our lives. We must guide each other spiritually, mentally and physically. Love without limits, love without a second thought. Meanwhile doing to your spouse, treating your spouse as you'd like to be treated.

It is possible to overcome infidelity within a relationship. Once perhaps twice. These are signals that something is wrong and perhaps counseling is needed to get back on track. It can be done. It is important that people fall in love over and over. It is paramount in a monogamous relationship that falling in love over and over is best when it's with the same person.

Oh yeah, I'm still peeved at John Edwards.