Keep Your Partner Happy: Nine Ways to Keep Your Relationship Hot

Whether you're married, have a life partner or just a sweet little significant other, there are some things you simply need to do to remind your partner every once in a while that you worship the ground they walk on. It's extremely important to tell your partner that you care about them, of course, but as the old adage goes, "actions speak louder than words." So, with the divorce rate up, and couples fighting over every little thing they can find, I have devised a few strategies to help you woo your sweetheart for the rest of your lives together.

Idea One: It is no secret that all good things come to an end. I hope, for your sake, that the end of your relationship is not divorce or splitting up in any fashion. I hope the end is a hundred years down the road when you and your partner go to bed one night together and die in your sleep, peacefully, holding hands and dreaming about one another. The number one key to a great relationship is, therefore, to remember this. Remember it daily. Remember that eventually, if your partner goes before you do, you're going to miss the way your partner snores, the way they spent their last dime on an ice cream cone for you, and that completely annoying way that they "tsk tsk" you when you drink milk straight from the bottle.

Idea Two: There are things that you might not think you can afford (like that steak you saw at the grocery store, or the flowers in the floral shop you passed without even thinking twice about them, or the ice cream you avoided because - God Forbid - it might add an extra half a pound to your figure) that are going to make you and your partner both happy in the long run. Just get whatever it is that you think your partner might want (provided it's reasonably inexpensive and won't break the bank) and pat yourself on the back for loving them so very, very much. Now, I understand how difficult this can be when you only have a few dollars for the grocery store. But there are things you can do that don't cost anything at all too. Don't give up, here, I promise you, it's easy. Pick a flower for them from the sidewalk (daisies grow in most neighborhoods in the western United States. They're free, and beautiful), or if you have neighbors with flower gardens, ask their permission to cut a few flowers. As long as you ask permission, they're likely to say yes and provide instructions as to which flowers are likely to last longest, give the most perfume and how many would be best to cut. And if there is a Jacarandus tree in the neighborhood (or even on the side of the road), you don't even need to ask permission. Just bring a pretty bowl outside, gather some of the beautiful, purple flowers that they often leave behind on the sidewalk, and put some water (and perhaps a floating candle) in the bowl and give it to your love, with a kiss. Believe me, I'm married, and flowers get a better response even than chocolates. Especially if the gift giver is creative in the colors or arrangement.

Idea Three: Make your partner a silly, homemade present every once in a while. For example, I was surfing the net about two months ago, and I found instructions on how to make a wallet out of paper (I used graph paper). I made the wallet for my wife, drew a picture of our dog on the inside and a heart with a couple of different colors of crayons, taped a small picture of she and I to the front of the wallet and put a one dollar bill inside so that she would know what it was (despite the fact that it had credit card slots in it, it was still sort of inconspicuous, and I could just hear her going, "um... thanks, lovey... but what is it?") She loved the present dearly, and carried it until it literally fell apart. She still refuses to throw it away, and has put it in a fireproof safe to ensure it's longevity. There are other presents you can make as well, with paper and imagination. Find an origami site online and make your sweety a frog or a swan or make them a homemade card just to tell them that you love them. Write a ridiculous poem inside that you'd die if your friends ever saw, just to show your partner how much you love and trust them (and be sure to tell them that you'd die if your friends ever saw it, otherwise, it may just come up at the next gathering you have!).

Idea Four: Write them a short note (or a novella if you're a wordy person, as I tend to be) telling them that you love them. Seeing it in writing does so much for the psyche. If your partner wakes up later than you do during the week, leave a little note on the pillow telling them how much you love them and reminding them of the things that they've done to deserve it. That's another thing, too. Telling your partner that you appreciate something they've done will almost entirely ensure that they do that thing again. Ladies, are you listening? Instead of nagging your husbands to take out the trash, pounce on them and kiss their faces and wrap your arms around them and tell them how lucky you are to be with such a wonderful, responsible man when he DOES take out the trash. I guarantee you, he'll take the trash out more often.

Idea Five: Act like you are happy to see your partner. I know this sounds ridiculous, like "when on earth do I act like I'm not happy to see my partner?" But listen. Nothing makes a room more tense than when your partner comes in the door, rolls their eyes at you, sighs and either says nothing, or sprints to the fridge to get a beer while saying "hi" in a dull, uninterested voice. Well, almost nothing. The only thing that's worse is when your partner comes in the door and starts in on how much they hate the house (or apartment) and how they wish more would get done every 24 hours. Your attitude affects your partner infinitely, whether you realize (or believe) it or not. Have a bad day? Then go to your partner immediately upon your (or their) arrival home, wrap your arms around them and give them a hug. Tell them that the only good thing about your day was knowing that you were coming home to such a wonderful, loving human being. If you throw in the fact that you wouldn't care if you lived in a cardboard box, as long as you had the opportunity to wrap your arms around them every day, they'll wonder what they've done to deserve such kind words. Tell your partner that you're proud of them for things that really don't make that much of a dent, and they'll do even more next time. For example, my wife goes to the gym semi-daily. When she feels like she doesn't have the time, I tell her that she has kicked butt for the last week and that she deserves a break. When she does go, I tell her that I'm proud of her for going. It's not that I care, really, how she looks. She wanted the gym membership, and it's really not that expensive. But she feels better when she does go, and her attitude mellows tremendously when she goes, so I tell her that I'm proud of her for having the will power to go when she does go. She always smiles and usually says thank you when I commend her for being such a kick butt type of lady. Believe me, when somebody is smiling and saying thank you, the one thing they're not doing is thinking bad thoughts about you. She also smokes cigarettes. Buying a pack of cigarettes every day or so can get really expensive, so she agreed to start rolling her own cigarettes (they make rolling "tubes" with filters already attached to them now). Including the tubes (which are $3 for a carton's worth) and the tobacco (which is $13 for a cartons worth), she saves a grand total of $37 a week.Now, I agree that she ought to quit smoking entirely, but I'm not going to leave her for a bad habit she's had since before we met. Anyway, the point is, I tell her how proud of her I am for finding ways to save us that much money (it totals about $160 a month or more) and how much I appreciate her frugality in this regard. I haven't told her this yet (she'll read it, I'm sure, when this is published), but it's the only reason we're able to take a "no-holds-barred" vacation within the United States every year to wherever we want to go for a week. The extra $2000 we accumulate every year means that that vacation is not limited to the state we already live in and that it's not limited to a weekend. As small of a sacrifice as it might sound, it means a lot to me that she's been willing to do this so far, and it means a lot to her that I notice. Which brings us to our next idea.

Idea 6: Notice everything. Notice the way your partner's hair smells. Notice the clean windows. Notice the swept floor in the kitchen. Notice the cat litter box that has been cleaned out. Notice the clean sheets on the bed or the clean carpet in the living room. If you didn't do it, and you don't have a maid, then your partner did it and should be appreciated audibly. Where a person could say, "What did you do all day?" I suggest instead, that you pay attention and say, "Wow, the floor in here looks great, sweet pea! And you took out the trash! Thank you so much! Boy you kicked butt today!" It will elicit a response far more favorable than the other statement/question I talked about.

Idea 7: For some of us (and I am one of these people) it is all but impossible to be spontaneous. Being tight for cash is one reason to find it difficult, and working ridiculously long days (for me, it's been 10, 11 and 12 hour days lately) can take the oomph right out of you when it's time to be spontaneous. And if your partner is a woman, it can be doubly hard, because unless you've figured out their "cycle," you don't know if she's PMSing, or has just started her cycle without letting you know quite yet. A word to the wise: Women's cycles don't start on specific DAYS of the month. They (in my experience, anyway) start based on the moon cycle. So if your partner is a woman (or if you're a woman and aren't privy to this information yet) go online and find a widget of some sort that tracks the moon's cycle. If you have iGoogle (their personalized home page) you will easily be able to find a moon cycle reporter on their widget page. Check what cycle the moon is in (i.e. - waning quarter moon, waxing new moon, or waxing half moon or full moon) and you will have a guide plus or minus three days as to when the lady in your life will start her period next time. Another thing about a woman's cycle (this is the last time I'll talk about this, I promise. I know it's an uncomfortable subject for some) that you should know, is that they tend to reset themselves if they're in a house with another woman who has her period. For example, the last time we went on vacation, we stayed in my sister's home for a week. My wife, who always, without exception starts either on the full moon, or within a day of it, either way, started her period the day we left to go home which was about a week before the full moon. Come to find out, my sister started her cycle while we were there. For whatever reason, a woman's body will sync with another woman's body if they spend enough time together. Okay, so we kind of got off track there. The point is, if you are finding it difficult to be spontaneous, then plan something in your head and make it a surprise to your significant other - as long as you've taken into consideration all of the things I've mentioned above. If the stars say it's possible, then secretly plan a picnic or a day at the beach, or a "just the two of us" barbecue or a day trip to the museum that will seem spontaneous to your loved one. You'll be more likely to go through with something if it's planned, and your partner will appreciate your seeming spontaneity.

Idea 8: There are some people in this world who cannot stand to be touched. Touching and being touched drives them up the wall, and doing it only makes them crazy. That's okay, and to each their own. But for the rest of the world, being touched - even casually on the shoulder or hand - makes one feel as though their partner understands and that raising their voice or getting angry is completely unnecessary. There have been times, in the past, when my wife was upset about something, and all it took for her to tell me the real issue, was for me to sit in front of her, and touch her in some fashion. The anger would immediately drain from her face and (poor thing) here came the tears and the true issue would be revealed. Maybe your partner feels overworked, under appreciated, mortified about something, or afraid to tell you that they broke your favorite glass. Whatever it is, it will come out if you can remain unshakable and loving. Breaking a glass while doing dishes can happen to anybody, and imagine how mortified you would be if you were trying to help around the house and did the same thing. The poor dear needs a hug, not a fight. The fact that there was a discussion, rather than a loud argument will calm your partners nerves and make you feel better about the whole thing as well.

Idea 9, the last word: I know that clear at the beginning of this article, I said that actions speak louder than words. I maintain that belief, but still, do not, ever underestimate the power of your words. Saying I love you, or I care about you, or I appreciate you, or I'm so lucky to be with you will boost your partner's trust and adoration for you and will boost their confidence level as well. Telling somebody that they look handsome, or beautiful, or "like an angel" or any other creative way of telling them that you approve of their appearance will have a profound effect on how they see themselves. And one last thing: Mean everything you do. It will improve your relationship a hundred fold. Your partner will look forward to either you coming home or their coming home to you. The more often you change things up, spin things around a little and make your partner smile unexpectedly, the more you will appreciate one another and the better off you'll be. Take it from me. There are no knock down drag out fights in this household. There are no trust issues. There is unconditional love, support and friendship that grows stronger with every action and word we speak. Nothing could possibly be more sacred than the love my wife and I have for one another and I hope, with every ounce of my heart, that the same can be said for you and yours.