Keeping a Healthy and Happy Relationship

It is hard in this day and age to keep any relationship you might have healthy and in the happy zone. It is even harder if some of the simplest of guidelines are not followed to help keep those relationships that we hold dear for any type of duration. They are not necessarily rules, but words to live by. Check them out and see if they may help you out in the relationship you have now or keep the ideas for future reference.

Honesty and Openness: Honesty and openness in a relationship tends to go hand in hand and one leans off of the other. In all relationships whether it is with your parents, your siblings, your friends, your boyfriends/girlfriends or your spouse, if you are not honest and keep the communication lines open, you will run into problems in the long run.

Honest is just that. Why lie? What honestly good reason would you need to lie to anyone, other than those little 'white lies' at Christmas time or birthdays on what you have gotten someone. That is the only time I can see that anyone would have a reason to tell a 'little white lie'. That knowledge does not need to be known, but other than that, the truth is the only way to keep any relationship strong and healthy. If you start out with a little lie, you end up having to cover up that lie eventually if it gets found out by someone. Then there are more lies to cover up that lie and even if it seems it is just a 'simple' lie, no lie is simple. The truth is so much easier than having to come up with a fictitious reason for what is going on and IF you must lie to cover something up, then there is something amiss with your relationship in the first place. Start out a relationship by saying, no lies, ever. If you have a problem, come to me, lets talk about it, but no lies; and that leads me to the second part of a healthy relationship: Openness or communication.

Openness and communication is the next reason why so many relationships tend to have problems. People tend to keep problems to themselves, push them down saying it is not such a big deal or it is not important, but yet they feel bad. If something makes you feel bad, you need to talk about it and find out how to make it better so both people in your relationship do not feel bad. If you have a problem with your mom or dad, talk to them, don't just go sulk and get mad and then nothing gets resolved. The same things would go for parents who do the same thing. Be open to knowing that sometimes what was said might not have been the right way to say something, or if something or someone was being accused wrongly and conclusions were jumped to without total thought having been put forth.

Think before you speak. Simple words to say but it is something very hard for many people to follow. If you get angry, take a second or two to completely take in what is going on, sit back and realize if you are seeing or hearing the whole story and then go to that person whom you are having a problem with and discuss it with them by 'asking them' what is really going on. Then LISTEN. Don't talk, listen. Part of communication means that you must listen to the other person in that relationship, no matter which relationship it might be. Don't close your mind to what is being said by them out of anger.

Open yourself to the possibility that what is being said could be the truth or the problem at hand how they see it. Open yourself up to the possibility that there could be a problem, even if it seems silly or little to you, to know that it could cause a future problem that is much larger if not dealt with and talked about while it is just a little problem. Deal with it, talk about it, make your relationship stronger by being there for each other when one or the other needs to talk. But also, you must understand that sometimes communication is not always speaking a lot or you talking a lot, but saying, 'hey, do you want to talk?' or 'how was your day?' and just let whatever is going on, spill out on its own. Sit in silence and let that person speak to you when they know it is okay cause there is no pressure of someone saying 'talk to me!' or 'what is wrong?' over and over. That gets no where either. It has to be comfortable but the communication lines have to be open for you to hear too, so don't close them down out of frustration or bull-headedness thinking of 'if they don't want to talk to me then, fine!'. That just ends up with all parties getting frustrated in the long run and lots of problems getting backed up and finally blowing up all together when it is not necessary for them to do so.

Lastly, a suggestion to both women and men and parents the same, allow your partner or children to feel as if they have their fair share in the relationship of responsibility and control. Don't become a control freak and think you 'must' control everything that goes on in your relationship. Even in a parent/child relationship you can grow in leaps and bounds, if you allow your child to feel as if they have some control of their own life, a little at a time of course. Let them feel grown up by making some of their own decisions on who their friends are and how they deal with those friendships. I am not saying let them go do whatever they want, but let them feel as if their friends, to an extent, within some guidelines, whatever they may be for your family, are their friends that 'they' picked out. If you have family guidelines at your house such as no drinking, no cussing, no drug, no smoking, here; no fighting, pushing, hitting or name calling, just plain fun, even if they choose to stay up all night and play video games on the weekend, children will often mimic those rules that they have been raised up on and choose friends whose families have some of the similar rule and regulations they have to live by. Often times those children who feel they are 'choosing' their friends, do not realize that you have helped them 'choose' their friends just by how you raised them and loved them. It is a good feeling to hear them say to someone, 'hey, no name calling, that isn't nice'; when you know that is how you have raised them; a good feeling indeed.

You can get those same good feelings in an adult relationship, no matter who your significant other is. Allow that person to 'feel good' in your relationship by letting them know they have control of much of what they do and much of what you do together as a couple. If you both give and take, allowing each partner to take part in what goes on in your lives, making 'rules' or decisions, both the simple ones and the life changing ones, you are allowing your relationship to grow, but you are growing together, not apart. If for some reason one partner decides to make all the decisions, then the other partner will often rebel, getting angry, not wanting to do anything chosen by the partner cause they have no 'say or choice' in the matter. Unfortunately this type of controlling can get totally out of hand and lead to abusive relationships, both verbal and physical. When the controlling or the need to control gets that far and a partner gets violent when their 'demands' are not met or their 'rules' are not followed, that is when a relationship is often doomed. A suggestion of counseling and separation for the safety's sake of the partner who is being abused is often the only way to get things back to the way things should be in that relationship and that is open communication, the give and take on both ends and total honesty, even if it hurts at first. Sometimes honesty hurts but if a relationship has gotten so far to the point of it being painful to one partner, then the other partner needs to know but know that you are not trying to attack them but let them know how their actions are making the other partner feel.

So in conclusion, Honesty, Openness of Communication and both giving and taking in even controls can help you have a strong, healthy, happy relationship with whomever you may have a relationship with. Take time to think before you speak. Take time to think of others in your relationship, because even a child has feelings and frustrations in life to deal with, and talk when there are problems to be dealt with, don't just sit and stew on them. Listen to what is going on (even when angry words are being spoken), think of others before speaking (even if they choose not to), keep those communication lines open (so they know you are thinking of them and want to hear what they have to say always) and always, always, be honest, because honesty, is ALWAYS the best policy!