Keeping Your Marriage Together

It's not difficult to find a married couple in their 70s who have been married for 50 years (give or take). Well if they have been keeping their marriage together why can't many couples do that today? The divorce rate is much higher today than it was in the 1940s. Why is that? It all has to do with how married couples think today as opposed to decades ago.

Work At It

Keeping your marriage together is hard work and don't think that it isn't.. You are going to have conflict from time to time. Here are some tools that will help you in keeping your marriage together.

Talk

Yes, talk. Communication is very important. This is your wife or husband. You took vows in front of family and friends (and maybe in the house of your higher power). There should be NOTHING that you cannot openly discuss with your husband or wife. Tell each other how you feel. Not just the bad things either. Last night, while sleeping, my wife often snuggled up against me or threw her arm or leg up over me. She doesn't usually do this. When I got up, I brought that up and told her that I like that. Talk, communicate and tell your husband or wife how you feel. As it turned out, she only did that because she was cold. But I still liked it. (Karl smiles)

Constructive Conflict

Every couple fights. I'm sure you and your spouse are no different. It's OK. It's normal. We all say things we don't mean from time to time but don't make a habit out of it. Saying mean and hurtful things to each other during an argument just causes resentment and other emotional scars. These sort of things are destructive in keeping your marriage together. It is possible to have an argument without even yelling. Dr Phil does it all the time. Ladies if you're mad because your husband doesn't pick up after himself, instead of yelling at him about it, simply explain to him that you need a bit of help. Validate him by saying that you appreciate how hard he works to provide for his family, that it's not necessary to him to do the laundry, or mop the floor, but please rinse your plate and put it in the dishwasher or not to leave empty pop or beer cans on the coffee table. Guys, if you don't like the fact that your wife uses video games or the computer as a baby sitter for the children, let her know by saying, "The children need YOUR attention more than they need the computer or playstation." Offer a solution or some sort.

Find and Outlet

I know you just finished reading that last paragraph and said, "Yeah right. This guy has no idea what MY wife or husband is like" That's true but we all have something we do that relaxes us and calms us down. For me, it's playing guitar. For my father in law, it's playing golf. Whatever it is, take a break for a couple of hours. Take a drive (disclaimer: Karl Withakay does not encourage you to speed or drive recklessly), go to the gym and work out or take a swim. At those times when you feel like you're about ready to explode, remove yourself from the situation for a bit and let it out in a non-destructive way that calms you down and relaxes you.

Be Honest

Don't lie to your wife or husband. If you don't have trust in your marriage, how can you be keeping your marriage together? If you lie to your spouse, he or she is NOT going to trust you. Lies are toxic to keeping your marriage together. This is a no brainer.

How Important Is Your Marriage?

Think about that question for a minute. What are you willing to do to help you in keeping your marriage together. Guys, if you and your wife are having problems and she brings up marriage counseling, GO. Swallow your pride. People give up on their marriages too easily these days. Both of you need to DO EVERYTHING in your power to make your marriage work. Anger management classes, marriage counseling, or whatever it takes. This is your MARRIAGE. And if after doing all these things, your not successful in keeping your marriage together, at least you won't be left wondering , "would we still be together if we had tried......". It will end with both of you knowing that you did EVERYTHING that you could to help in keeping your marriage together.

The Deal Breakers

Now there are indeed deal breakers. Things that can happen where for most people, there is no working it out. Examples are abuse and infidelity. But I can tell you. If you are abusing your spouse or cheating on your spouse., you'll have a better chance of working through it if you can identify that there is a problem, admit that you have a problem and work on yourself to correct it. And even if that doesn't help in keeping your marriage together, you'll come out much wiser than before. Good luck to both of you.