Keeping the Peace When Your Ex is Your Best Friend

For you it may seem simple: you don't have sexual feelings for an ex but you like their company and they understand you better than anyone else. Your ex is your best friend, and a friend is just a friend, right? Not always.

There are several factors that come into play when an ex is still part of your life, and how you handle your present romantic relationship in connection to the old one will determine the role your old friend will play in your life.

No Comparison

It should go without saying that you should never compare your present love to any that have come before. "You should try this dish, Billie really liked it." is probably not the best way to start a friendly dinner conversation.

History

Stories of your adventures may just seem like stories but the way they are told says a lot. If your past with your ex overshadows your present relationship, there may be a problem. It's probably best to keep old stories to yourself. Stories of your hiking adventures in the Appalachians may seem like interesting anecdotes to you, but they are insults to the one who didn't get to enjoy the trip but has to endure the telling again and again. No one likes to be reminded that they were second on the scene and 'love the one you're with' means letting go of the past.

Quantity of Time

How much time you spend with your old friend is also important. If time you could be spending with your mate is being spent with your ex, you may want to reevaluate who is more important to you. A mate may resent being put in second place and an ex may believe there is more to the relationship than friendship if the balance of time is skewed. Setting a limit on time with your friend will make your mate happy and will make you less dependent on your friend.

Quality of Time

If you are going out for drinks with your friend but eating leftover pizza on the couch with your mate, there could be trouble ahead. Relationships are built on experience and new experiences cement bonds between people. Take time to do interesting things with your mate, build new memories and find out new common interests, your mate will be able to tell the stories and the two of you will share things instead of relying on ancient stories to entertain.

Reaffirmation

Holding hands or hugging your mate in front of your best friend should be a natural thing. If you feel uncomfortable doing that, there are probably more feeling there than you are aware of. Such mild public displays of affection signal to both of your loved ones where your heart lies and will help avoid misunderstandings and unnecessary jealousies.

It is a rare partner who can handle a close friendship between you and an ex so be considerate and loving and the two most important partners in your life can remain so for years to come.