Keeping it Real; Lisa Raye, Gold Diggers, and Why Honesty is the Best Policy

A guy I know would get upset at women if she laid the price down for him upfront. I never did understand his animosity. The way that I see it, I would rather that a woman quote a price than to allow me to wine her and dine her and then after a few weeks, a month or more I still cannot get in. If you have a price, set your price and then I can tell you if I think you are worth it. We can still hang out and still be cool but I know that I cannot get in unless I am willing to meet that price.

Every woman has a price, but that price does not always involve money. Some women want you to put a ring on their finger. Some women want you to be a good friend. Some women want to use you for whatever knowledge you have. Some women want access into high places they could not get into otherwise (or they do not think that they could get into or put in the hard work to get into). Some women want to be shown off. Some women want to show off someone they think meets their criteria. The list goes on.

Money can get you into a certain place, it can provide a comfortable station in life but it does not say anything about who you are. When people say that Lisa Raye is a gold digger, I am a bit confused, a bit perplexed. To me a gold digger is a woman who does not have any money at all whatsoever and is just scraping by in life and looking for some man to come in and provide a comfortable lifestyle for her. She is a hustler that isn't bringing anything to the table but her sex but feels that a man would either be so taken by her that he will meet whatever price she sets or would fall in love with her and be willing to provide for her. This is the type of woman that talks up her own sexuality and talks about the fact of how it is worth it. Sexuality does not have a monetary price attached to it and isn't really worth anything, what you are paying for is exclusivity. How rare is it, is it a destination or something that is out of the norm that you couldn't get otherwise. So women attempt to market themselves and can be very creative in doing so. It is all smoke and mirrors until you get to know them for who they truly are but they know that without the rhetoric you will not be intrigued. You can get it anywhere, but you want what they have because you aren't sure if you can get it. But the skills are often the same as those you would find in some back alley somewhere addicted to methamphetamines or crack cocaine.

Lisa Raye has her own money. I heard a radio disc jockey say that she was at least honest about what she was doing but what is it that she is doing exactly? Her net worth is still estimated at ten million. If I had ten million and I was single I wouldn't date a woman I met at Rite Aid, I mean why would I. It isn't about the fact that those women wouldn't talk to me back in the day but would probably talk to me now because of what I am worth. It is about the fact that I would not be living that same lifestyle anymore and wouldn't shop at Rite Aid; perhaps you would find me in a Duane Reade somewhere. Well around here if one had that type of money you would probably shop in fancy grocery stores like Bloom.

I think Bloom is part of Food Lion, who also owns Bottom Dollar. You can't get that far from Food Lion in Hampton Roads. Maybe I should have used Harris Teeter as a better example, but you get my point. If I had ten million dollars and I actually stayed in this town I would be in a high rise apartment in Norfolk no less than $700,000 and no more than 1.5 million and would only shop at Nordstroms and Dillard's. When I wanted to do something different I would slip into an urban wear store and pay $300 for a pair of jeans and get a few $80 t-shirts. If I did leave downtown Norfolk I would check out downtown Virginia Beach.

I would spend a lot of time in DC and shop there. Of course the smart thing to do would be to continue looking for a pair of jeans for $30 on sale at Burlington and I would get back to that inevitably but you wouldn't see me around as much. I would attend every single function they have in this town, at least those that are interesting. The biggest decision I would have would be if I wanted to go to Sandler or Chrysler Hall.

What are the chances of a local disc jockey seriously hooking up with Lisa Raye? Can you preclude that a woman who is honest and upfront about what it takes for you to have a shot at her would be honest and upfront about a lot of different things? Take Chilli for example, who is trying to find what she wants. At least she tells you what she wants on the first date. If you are okay with that you can proceed. The only thing about Chilli though is that it you don't know when you have broken the deal, like if she asks an open ended question and you do not answer it the right way.

The reason that I say the questions are open ended is that there isn't any right or wrong answer. It may not be the answer she wants, but if it is the truth, it isn't the wrong answer either. You could play her game and just say all of the right things, but then you have to live with yourself. I would have to be blunt, then again I am someone that would probably end it myself if it didn't feel right.

Lisa Raye seems like a really cool person. She isn't as bourgeois or as stuffy and pretentious as I thought she would be. At least you can approach Lisa Raye; I mean if I knew that I fit those requirements and I was in a position to do so I would take a shot at it if I wasn't doing anything else. Take the woman of a different reality show, Tracey Ferguson. She is getting a lot of press because of a magazine she is trying to take national. Right now it is like a local version of Essence. A lot of men would be intimidated by her success.

But she could be a lot more approachable than what she comes across as being. The difference is that she seems to have come from a different world and had it together even before her magazine. That may or may not have been the case, but that is the impression that I get. I could see where a lot of men who would be interested would shy away from approaching her. Men like to call women gold diggers that they think they have some entitlement to. You wouldn't call Tracey Ferguson a gold digger because you never thought you had a real shot at her anyway, but you look at Lisa Raye and you feel that she is cut from the same cloth you are. The only difference is that she has a little bit of money. So you feel that she should give you a shot, but that does not necessarily imply that she should just because of what you feel that she should do. There could be other differences between you and her, but you don't see that and are not willing to see that.

There are millions of Black Women like either woman I have mentioned in this article. But we have to ask ourselves as men what are we worth. If you know that you are worth more than what she thinks you are worth, and she isn't interested then you have to keep on moving until you find someone that does value you. If a woman is self-made and is doing her own thing she is going to expect for you to do the same. No woman, of any race, that is an entrepreneur or an actress wants someone that is not doing what they are doing. You do not have to do what they are doing exactly, but you need to be doing more than what you are doing.

That does not make these women gold diggers. Brothers think that women of other races are more accommodating, but they refuse to see those women for what they are. You can lay down with another woman, and she might fall in love with you and decide to stick out with you through thick and thin, she might, but chances are once she is bored with you she is going to move onto someone else. He could be someone else of her background or another brother like yourself. If you are not bringing anything to the table, and she does not see any potential in you, forget about claiming her as your girlfriend.

The only difference between women of other races and most Black Women is that women of other races will be friends with you and converse with you when you do not have a chance in hell of getting with them. That is the only difference at the end of the day. Everything else about these women are exactly the same; it may come across differently it may look and feel different, the aesthetic may change, but it is the same. Every situation you find yourself in, every opportunity, should be one in which to learn. You may find out that you do not want a serious relationship but you cannot blame it on Black Women that you consider to be gold diggers just because you do not have any money. If you have $50,000, find yourself a $20,000 woman. Do not waste your time on a woman that wants your money, her money, and some other guys money. A $20,000 woman can meet your needs intellectually and physically; sure she only makes $10 an hour but there is nothing wrong with that. She may have plans to make $70,000 one year, but you would never know unless you found out.

When you can do something nice for your woman that is outside of the box and you have to stretch beyond your means to get everything together but she is appreciative it is a very good feeling. It feels a lot better than if you had spent that money on yourself, or you spent it on some girl you were trying to impress that was not appreciative for it. Too many of us have $50,000 and are trying to get some woman that has $200,000, and then we get upset when we cannot get that woman. Women that live in different neighborhoods, that always dress sharp that like to go out to the opera and the theater or go on vacations that require a passport. Everything that poorer woman wants but cannot afford, so she has to pick and choose which one she is going to do this Friday because she will not have any money to do so for another month because the next payday she has to pay rent.

If that $200,000 woman gives you a shot and you are uncomfortable in your surroundings and begin to feel as though you are not good enough to be there you will have been in a worse position than if you had never tried to get with her to begin with. You are eventually going to meet her parents, who are educated and have like 5 degrees a piece. You are going to meet her older brother who will never like you and her younger sister that was already jealous of her. I wouldn't want that drama. It is better to stay in your lane than to hate on what someone else that is in the High Occupancy Lane that is getting where they need to go quickly while you are stuck in traffic is doing. Then again this is if you even see them driving on the highway, and assuming you're not stuck on a bus somewhere next to the man that cannot stop talking to himself telling himself to shut the f* up.