Keeping a Traditional Family Afloat in a Non-Traditional World

Reared as part of the baby boom generation, my husband and I both came from traditional two-parent families, families that included married parents and multiple siblings. In those now distant days, traditional families were the norm. Among my own classmates, it was rare to find one with divorced parents or a step-parent or with another relative as head of the house. Today, however, the trend has turned and my children are the exception among their classmates because they come from a traditional family.

In completing the back-to-school paper work for my elementary age children, I noted that the forms were geared toward the non-traditional family. Blanks were indicated to inform the school which parent was the custodial parent, options to check a box marked "step" before a parent's name, and spaces to indicate with whom does the student reside. There were options for a non-parent guardian to complete and for other relatives who might be raising the child. I applaud the form for being broad because families are made in many forms but there was no space to easily indicate that my children come from a home in which their birth parents are married to one another. I suppose that school personnel will read between the lines to determine this but the form was confusing for our simple situation.

My children were also an exception because they had not attended pre-school until the summer before kindergarten and that only so that they could adjust to a classroom experience. They have not ever had a babysitter who was not a close relative nor been to day care. Because I am able to work at home as a freelance writer, there has been no need but the fact that they remained at home from birth seperates them from most of their peers.

Classmates ask about their step-parents or step-siblings only to display shock when there are none. My children carry their father's surname as do I - with my maiden name added on for career reasons. Some of the children that play with my children have siblings with different last names as well as a parent. A surprising number of their fellow students live with a grandparent, aunt or uncle, or other relative. Many seldom see one parent or the other; others are part of a vicious custody battle or a war for affection. And, although many blended families work well, others don't. It's a sad fact in our culture today.

Raising my children in a traditional family was not something I chose; it happened and I'm glad for that. Yet I never expected to find that our traditional family has become a minority in the world at large. Even within my own extended family, the current non-traditional norms are common.

In addition to issues of custody and tradition, so many children my children know have a life seperate from their parents. We may be old-fashioned but we sit down to supper each evening together at the dinner table. We talk about the events of our day, about school, about current events, and much more. When we vacation, we don't have a girls trip for Mom, a guy outing for Daddy, and a kiddie venture for the youngest members of the family. We go together. When we choose to eat out, we find family friendly restaurants and enjoy as a family. We attend church as a unit and we enjoy our down time together, whether the time is spent at home watching a movie or at an IMAX theater.

With such sociological change since our own childhoods, my husband and I have developed a few tips for those others rearing a traditonal family.

Stick to the plan. When you fill out school forms, if there's nothing to indicate that the child's two parents are married to one another, ink it in. Don't be shy about mentioning your family when you're having a hair cut, walking the dog, or meeting other adults socially.

Stay together. There are some old adages that say "the family that stays together prays together". The same goes for eats together, plays together, and rides together.

Teach your children that families are fine no matter who makes up the family circle. Mom, Dad, and the kids are as acceptable as dad and son, a same sex couple raising kids, a single mother and children, a grandparent raising a beloved grandchild, an aunt who adopted a child, and all other situations. Each creates a family. Just because yours is considered traditional doesn't mean that other options aren't okay.

Talk. Open communication is one of the things that keeps our family together and strong.

Laugh. Never forget how to laugh, how to have fun, and how to play.

Keep it light when strangers inquire about the family composition and assume that one parent is a step-parent. Explain that some families are still traditional and that it's okay.

Most of all, be a family. I have no idea how the world may be when my children become parents and I am a grandparent but I know that the family - traditional or not - will survive. It's human nature.