Kevin Garnett, Champion

As a New York Knicks fan, hatred of the Boston Celtics is embedded in my DNA. Of course, like a virulent form of cancer, it's gotten worse. The sneering ghost of Red Goddamn Auerbach has blown cigar smoke in our faces throughout the long, ugly years.

What's more depressing, it doesn't look like it's gonna get any better since the boss of the Knicks organization, Jim ("Yo, look at me, I'm a rich blues guitarist!") Dolan, hires lousy people, takes on the bloated bloated contracts of has-been stars, and doesn't look like he's going anywhere. O.K., granted, it's not as bad as being a Chicago Cub fan, but who knows? I have nightmares of Dolan's preserved head in a glass jar, making stupid decisions for decades to come.

Oh God. Please kill me now.

So you can imagine how conflicted I feel when I hope that the Celtics raise up another championship banner to join the other seventeen. Guh. I don't believe my treacherous fingers are typing this.

Why? Kevin Garnett, that's why.

In a league where the majority of players act like thugs or big, spoiled, whiny babies, Garnett has always conducted himself with class: honest, intelligent, hard-working, loyal, and generous to his fans. Garnett was a superstar who just wasn't about the numbers. Unfortunately, it looked like the big numbers was all he was going to get. Despite putting out an heroic effort on the court every night, Minnesota was never able to give Garnett any players talented enough for him to take the next step towards a championship. Ask Lebron James how that feels.

Ominously, it appeared that Garnett was going to be a member of the club that no athlete wants to join: The Superstars Who Never Win It All. "Hey, Kevin, wassup? I want you to meet Earnie Banks, Dan Marino, Patrick Ewing, Barry Saunders, and Alex Rodriquez, C'mon, grab a chair, it gets pretty crowded in here sometimes."

But then, the impossible happened.

Kevin McHale, the ex-Celtic and GM of the Minnesota Timberwolves, for some mad reason decided to trade Garnett to the Celtics for, well, a bunch of not-bad-but-not-great players. Hm. Maybe McHale thought that Quantity was better than Quality and he'd get lucky. Uh, no. As a deal, it ranks up there with the disastrous Herschel Walker trade to the Dallas Cowboys, or choosing Sam Huff over Michael Jordan. Right now, McHale is in the Witness Protection Program to escape the wrath of inconsolable, revenge-minded Timberwolves fans.

Everybody knows what happened next.

Adding Garnett' transformed the Celtics from a mediocre team into a brotherhood of crazed Klingons who shouted, "Today is a good day for somebody else to die!" One championship later, Garnett left the Club forever, proving that nice guys in the NBA don't always finish last. I can only say, "Good for you--even if you are a Celtic." And there's a good chance they'll do it again this year.

Oh, and the Knicks? Well, they played rotten basketball, got hit with a sexual harassment suit (which they deservedly lost), Isiah Thomas was fired, and Jim Dolan is still the boss.

Excuse me, I'm going to hit myself in the head with a hammer.