Keys to Early Discipline

While no child is emotionally identical to another, there are several ways to use discipline to lovingly direct your child. As a mother of identical twin boys, I know first-hand the disasters that can come from over- or under-disciplining a child. New mothers are often expected either to know how to parent "naturally", proving them a "good parent", or to live by various child-rearing books that often resort to coddling the child instead of helping them grow as a person. Here I will cover the first 2 of 8 techniques that can be applied to any child. You can tailor them to your child's specific needs, and still feel confident with your own ability. It is my belief that anyone can be a great parent with a little bit of guidance. While I do not pretend to be a perfect parent, these are techniques I've picked up from family, friends, and observation. Raising identical twin boys (though completely opposite in their emotional strengths and weaknesses) is the perfect way to try all kinds of techniques and see which can be applied to any child, and which fail.

The first, most obvious, and yet most overlooked technique is simply Respect. When you correct your child, don't forget that you're talking to a person. They're not little robots or a pet; kids deserve the same amount of respect you would like for them to show any adult. What better way to teach respect to your child than to be an example yourself? Address their feelings without belittling them. Avoid telling them things with negative words like "stupid" or "childish". Remember, to your child it's not stupid and they are children! Making demeaning comments not only lowers self-esteem, but also makes your child feel misunderstood and inferior. The easiest way to determine whether or not you are showing respect in your response is to put yourself in their situation. If you went to someone you admire with a concern or desire, how would you feel receiving the same response? If your boss treated you the way you're treating your child, would you quit? Would you feel valued as an employee? You cannot use the excuse "I would never tell my boss I wanted __________!" Any good boss has heard their fair share of ridiculous requests and demands and managed to refrain from using terms like "moron" or "stupid". The key to remember is this: Children learn by example. Your treating others (including them) respectfully will show them how to apply respect in their lives as well.

Second, it is so important to explain to your child why exactly they're being punished. Children aren't mind readers any more than adults are. You cannot expect a child to know why certain principles apply to a given situation, unless you explain it to them. Disciplining with no explanation might as well be disciplining for no reason at all. If you do not explain, how will they know what they did wrong, or how to correct it? A common mistake, however, is to explain away, with no punishment. All this teaches your child is how to explain away anything. A problem in teens and pre-teens is the assumption that if they can give a reason, then everything is okay. Discipline needs to show your child that even though they wanted to do (or to have) something, there are often more important concerns at hand. A simple example of this would be a child getting in a fight at school. Sure they wanted to hit the other child for whatever perceived wrong-doing, but that doesn't justify actually hitting another child. When your child can stop and realized they don't have to retaliate, they don't have to do exactly what the other child is doing, it not only enhances their feelings of self-worth and self-esteem, but also shows them they do not have to follow where those around them may try to lead.

Check back soon for techniques 3 and 4!