Keys to a Healthy Relationship

Most of the world depends on relationships with people: the people we deal with at work, the people we deal with in our homes; the people we deal with at our schools; the people we deal with in our neighborhoods; and so on.

Many of these relationships either end with fighting, ignoring each other, or actual loving relationships. Relationships can be loving, neutral, or hating. In our every day lives, we can use these keys to assure we have a health relationship or avoid unhealthy relationships.

Here are some key principles:

Know and Understand the Person's Likes and Dislikes

Many times we learn this by trial and error, but to avoid this we can ask beforehand! Many relationships end in divorce or fights because one didn't know the other didn't like it! Therefore, now is the opportunity to know the likes and dislikes of the people you are dealing with on an everyday basis - to avoid having to learn their dislikes the hard way.

Don't Treat Another Person Based on other People

Many of us treat other individuals/people based on how others think of them. Don't do that! Form your own opinions about the person! If the person hasn't done anything to you individually and you have no proof that the person has done anything wrong, why should you treat the person as if they did? You haven't been around the person everyday of their life to know exactly every reason about their past, so why should you assume that you know how to judge the person? This just causes a useless chain reaction and many good relationships are missed that way. Form your own judgments about the person, not based on the opinions of others. Listen to the facts, but follow your heart.

Don't let Bad Habits build Up

If someone you are in a relationship starts doing something to you that you don't like, don't reward it to continue! Many times if they don't know you are offended by it, it just builds up and soon you react with the person not having a clue as to why you got hurt or angry! Be honest with yourself; don't reward people to keep treating you ways you don't want to be treated. If you keep rewarding them by saying 'yes' or smiling, they'll think you don't have a problem with it and keep doing it again. Wouldn't you want someone to let you know if you were offending him/her? How would you like him or her to let you know?

Use Comedy instead of Anger

Many times when we are hurt by another person, we respond with a heart full of anger. We burst calling the person names or even use physical violence. But many times that just ends up with a chain reaction with the other person responding back with physical violence or anger, or many times we do something that we regret. There are easier ways to deal with problems! You can still get your point across using comedy and humor instead of doing it the angry and aggressive way. Is it easier to get a person to do something by asking them nicely, or by demanding it like a raging horse?

Don't try to Change the other Person according to your Beliefs or Standards

Unless the person is harmful to yourself or others, don't try to change another person. Let them be their self. Aren't they letting you be yourself? How is it fair that the person can let you be yourself but you can't let the person be their self? Every individual has their own individual choices and they have a right to decide how they want their life to be. What if they don't want what you want? You have what you want, so how is it fair for them to not have what they want? If you have an opportunity that you personally believe would be better for them, present it to the person. If they like they will conform to it, and thank you for it; if they do not like it, then let them remain as they are and do not judge them for it. Don't try to change another person according to your own beliefs and standards: they have beliefs and standards of their own just like you.

Take Care of Yourself

Many of us ignore this simple rule with having to deal with other people, but taking care of ourselves is just as important in a relationship as anything else. When was the last time you've been around a person that didn't smell very well? When was the last time you've been around an individual who is angry every second of the day? Simply put, in order to have a healthy relationship, you must also be healthy yourself. You must not give a reason for people not wanting to be around you. If your house is clean, people will enjoy it and will enjoy staying there, but if your house is dirty and full of rats, cobwebs, and other scary and unpleasant things, chances are people will be offended by it: not by you, but just how it makes them feel. By taking care of yourself, you can assure that the people feel good as well.

Don't be a People Pleaser

Don't go around trying to please other people while ignoring yourself and who you are. If it goes against your own beliefs, values, and convictions, don't try to please others just to fit in or 'to make the person like you'. Be yourself. If you're not harming the other person or the freedom of others, then no other person has the right to tell you otherwise. Many times this results in a future being in a place wondering, "How did I get here?" If the person doesn't like you for who you are, then fine, that's the person's problem and not yours. You do not deserve any right to drop don't your guard to become a slave to anyone. Stand up for who you are, because if you don't you will follow down a path that you will regret in the future. The path that you decide is the one that you will always be most satisfied with, but the path that you let others decide for you is the one that you will be least satisfied with.

Use Outside Help if Necessary

If you are in an unhealthy relationship in which you cannot solve on your own, or the other person, seek outside help! Many of us pretend to ignore help from the outside when we are in a not-so-good relationship. Don't let it just stay between you two. Have you ever seen a fight in school? How did it stop? It didn't stop by the two individuals choosing, but by the force of outside help, which is much greater than the two opposing. Use the leverage of other individuals outside the relationship if the two of you are in one that you cannot solve on your own. Twenty-four people are better than you both. When you bring in the twenty-four people, you also bring those people into the relationship.

Depart if you can't Get Along

Many times we end up with relationships where it's really hard to get along. Maybe it's not the right time for you two to be together. Why stay in a relationship when the two of you cannot even agree to brush your teeth in the morning? Many relationships end up toxic because of this; because they pretend that they should be together, or ignore how it makes them feel by being together. If you can't get along, just depart! It's better to depart and still have a neutral relationship than to stay together and have things get worse.

Neutralize your Differences

Most relationships end because of irreconcilable differences. If one of you likes it to be really dark, and the other likes it to be really bright, then make it gray! It is only fair that you choose a neutral point where both of you aren't at advantage over the other. If one of you wants clean the dishes before 4:00 pm and the other would rather wait until 6:00 pm, then do it before 5:00 pm! If one of you wants one to take out the trash, and the other doesn't want to at all, then take turns! It's that simple. Neutralize your differences. It's much easier, and fairer, to chose a neutral point than to expect the person to make a complete u-turn psychologically.

Take Care of Your Own

Don't expect others are obliged to do the things for you that you are completely capable of doing yourself. If you have a disability or the other person would just like to be generous, then there is nothing wrong with that and you should accept it and be greatful! But if the other person doesn't personally want to fix the things that you caused, then you should fix it yourself! And if the both of you caused it together, then both of you should fix it together! The only alternative is if one has a disability and the other would like to be generous out of love. If either is not the case, then both of you should work together equal to fixing what you've caused. Many relationships end because of this, because of the two not working together and/or taking care of their own responsibilities. If the person would like to be generous, then that is fine, but don't expect others are obliged to become your servant. However, if you would not like to be generous, and if the other person is not taking care of their own, let them know you're not 'cleaning up their mess'. It is better to let them know what you're not going to do for them than to demand them to do something you think they should do. Additionally, if it involves the two of you in the same location, then separate and create your own location so it's only your own mess you're cleaning. It is better to seperate than to stay in an unpleasant situation that does not change.

Make Personal Deals

Make adjustments between each other so that the both of you are helped. If one would like to do one part of the total work required for living and the other would like to do the other, then by all means agree to it. The relationship is about whatever the two of you agree on! If one would like to be responsible for the bills and the other would like to be responsible for house cleaning, then by all means that is a personal deal between the two of you! If one would like to pay for the gas, and the other pay for the groceries, then by all means work out that deal! If one would like company, and the other would like support, if both of you agree, then work out that deal! It's about your personal and satisfied negotiations and nothing more! Think of anything and make adjustments so that both of you are doing what you do best. It is better for both of you to be doing what you do best, than either one of you doing what the other would be better at doing. Therefore, whatever you come to agreement with, then work out that deal.

Help others to Help yourself

Many of us expect others to 'do this and do that', or the person should be 'doing this and doing that'. Don't think that way! All people need help. If you have a car, in order to get it running, what do you do? You put gas in it! If your car is not working properly and is not helping you get to work, what do you do? You get it fixed! People are no different. If you want them to help you, you must help them, not hurt them. Realize that when people aren't working properly they are either sick or hurt mentally, emotionally, or physically. Work to help the person by fixing them and giving them energy. Don't expect them to work and do the same things you can do if they aren't as healthy as you are mentally, emotionally, or physically. Help others to help yourself.

If Both of You are Happy, that's all that Matters

Don't base your relationships on the opinions of others or by traditional standards. Relationships are about relationships between individuals in a relationship, not about individuals not part of the relationship. If the both of you are happy, that is all that matters. You are not harming the other person and the other person is not harming you. You are helping the other person and the other person is helping you. In all of your relationships you should make sure that the both of you are happy. Always try to strive for the things where both of you are pleased. For if one is not happy and the other is having a good time, then that is not a healthy relationship.

Those are keys to a healthy relationship and how to get along with other people. All key principles need to be considered equally in order for the whole to work. Ignore one, but accept the others, and you may find yourself making a mistake. Accept one, but ignore the rest, and you may find yourself missing other keys that may be beneficial at the time.