Keys to Life: Key #10 - Don't Be a Hater

A little over two years ago I penned an article called Keys to Life. The piece was an adaptation of an essay by author Michael Thomas Ford from his book of collected essays called "My Big Fat Queer Life." In the essay, "Ten Keys to Being Happy Though Gay", he spells out ten tidbits of advice on things gay people should do in order to be happy. I felt strongly enough about his list that I adapted it so that we all could gain some insight into that ever-present pursuit of happiness.

The ideas set forth in his essay inspired me to create my own list of ideals to strive for in pursuit of a happier life. Some of Ford's keys made a lot of sense to me, but not all of them. I kept some of them the same and changed others to fit life as I see it. Remember that these are ideals. They're not easy to achieve, but they're all worthy of aspiring to.

I've long since wanted to revisit these "keys to life" in the hopes of keeping them at the forefront of my own mind and to share them as valuable information for anyone to have. For the past several weeks I've been doing just that, only this time I've been taking a look each of the ten keys individually. In this piece, we'll take a look at the 10^th and last key to life: don't be a hater. Here's what I wrote on this back in November of 2008:

Haters are everywhere! There are gay haters, African American haters, Muslim haters, women haters, liberal haters, old people haters...you name it. In a society such as ours, you'd think we'd all stick to our supposed ideals and try to get along peacefully.

Where does hate come from? Unfortunately, many of us learn to hate during our formative years, as our parents and other people around us make some sort of hatred a norm. It comes from isolation from groups of people who become the objects of disparagement. People are afraid of what they don't know. Hate comes from the airwaves and from politicians. It's hard to avoid!

In order to not be a hater, one has to decide that being a hater is not cool. Make a decision that hate just doesn't do anything for anybody except cause trouble. Expose yourself to people you'd otherwise not know. You may find you still have apprehension about certain people, but remember it's the individual you may not be fond of and not the group. On the other hand, you just might make new friends!

Like her or not, Lady Gaga makes a great point in her song, 'Born This Way':

I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

These words are words that I believe to be true for each and every one of us. Diversity amongst people is what makes this world such a great place, and not the opposite, as haters think. There are all sorts of people in the world, and whatever you believe, that's how it is meant to be. Hate should be reserved for actions, not simply differences in existence. No matter what variations we may have in skin color, religious affiliation, sexual orientation or otherwise, we are all human beings and deep down inside we have more in common with each other that what haters only see with their eyes and their learned beliefs. Hate for such reasons has no place in this world.

I know a family through my work, and I've been witness to the reckless circumstances behind hate. This family consists of a group of four siblings who live together, support each other, and are here to make a better life for themselves. Sound familiar? I've been teaching these four siblings how to speak, understand, read and write English for eight years now and I can attest to the drive within each of them to learn the language, contribute to society, and live a normal, happy and healthy life.

In the time that I've known these children, I've borne witness to hatred inflicted upon them simply for their ethnicity. Once, one of the brothers accidentally left his cell phone in a hardware store and upon realizing it, he went back inside to retrieve it. He was greeted with insults and given a hard time simply because he was Hispanic. All four of them, though they obey all the laws of the road, have been pulled over time after time for simply 'driving too slow' or for parking on a friend's driveway. I can say this with certainty because I've seen it with my own eyes.

One of the brothers in the family has taken ill recently and has spent the past five weeks in the hospital. Upon hearing the news of hi illness, a caring aunt flew up from their native Guatemala to take care of the other three. She cooks for them, makes sure they're keeping on track with work and school, and supports them with her love. I met her a few times in the hospital room and she reminded me of my own Aunt Vi, who would have done the very same thing for us.

This is one key to life I feel strongly about, and rereading what I wrote almost three years ago reminds me that not much has changed. There's one thing in life that I hate and that's hate. Hate causes all kinds of misery in the world, and for absolutely no reason at all as far as I can see. All of my life I've been a part of a group that to this day is probably one of the most widely vilified groups in the world, and the hate heaped upon gays specifically has caused more than enough damage for anyone to have to endure.

Being a part of a hate-targeted group has made me more sensitive to the hate that is inflicted upon other minority groups. It's probably why I chose the vocation I did. I'm an ESL teacher in a predominantly white upper class town and I've experienced through my students the hate that is inflicted upon "dark children." What may seem harmless to those who inflict even what may be perceived as minor offenses of hate upon others, can have long-lasting consequences that quite simply should never occur.

Hating for any reason is a waste of time, especially when the hate is simply borne out of differences in skin color, religious affiliation, sexual orientation, dress, body stature, or even just plain looks. Hate is a learned thing and all anyone has to do to unlearn hate is to gain exposure to the people that are the objects of hate. In doing so, one might find that no one is really that different from one another. We are all human beings after all, we all have hopes and dreams, and we were all put here on God's green Earth just the way we are. Now what's wrong with that?

When you live a life without hate, you live a happier existence. This I firmly believe. So please, don't be a hater. It'll only make you a miserable person within yourself and from the point of view of others.

For more in this series, check out:

Keys to Life

Keys to Life: Key #1 -- Live in the Present

Keys to Life: Key #2 -- Age Gracefully

Keys to Life#3 -- Cultivate Friendships

Keys to Life#4 -- Make a Difference

Keys to Life#5 -- Take Chances

Keys to Life#6 -- Take Care of Yourself

Keys to Life#7 -- Stop Blaming Everyone Else

Keys to Life#8 -- Expect Bliss

Key #9 -- Be Honest