Keys to Life: Key #5 - Take Chances

A little over two years ago I penned an article called Keys to Life . The piece was an adaptation of an essay by author Michael Thomas Ford from his book of collected essays called "My Big Fat Queer Life." In the essay, "Ten Keys to Being Happy Though Gay", he spells out ten tidbits of advice on things gay people should do in order to be happy. I felt strongly enough about his list that I adapted it so that we all could gain some insight into that ever-present pursuit of happiness.

The ideas set forth in his essay inspired me to create my own list of ideals to strive for in pursuit of a happier life. Some of Ford's keys made a lot of sense to me, but not all of them. I kept some of them the same and changed others to fit life as I see it. Remember that these are ideals. They're not easy to achieve, but they're all worthy of aspiring to.

I've long since wanted to revisit these "keys to life" in the hopes of keeping them at the forefront of my own mind and to share them as valuable information for anyone to have. For the next several weeks I'll be doing just that, only this time I'm going to be taking a look each of the ten keys individually. In this piece, we'll take a look at the fifth key to life: take chances. Here's what I wrote on this back in November of 2008:

Key#5 - Take Chances

Playing it safe...way too many of us are afraid to take chances. I know far too many people who aren't completely satisfied with their lives. They just resign themselves that their life is their life and there's nothing they can do about it. Well, that's just plain wrong. Playing it safe is akin to surrendering any dreams you might have once had, leaving you with a bunch of 'what ifs?' Chasing dreams, reaching for something better is not an easy task, but if you are too afraid to take chances, you'll surely never live to realize any of them. So don't be afraid to take a chance on something good, whether it's the pursuit of a meaningful relationship or a better job. You just might get what you want.

I am by nature a restless person. Every once in awhile I feel like I need a change in my life and these feelings move me into action. It's not just because I want to change for change's sake. I've never been completely satisfied with my life and whenever I feel the need for a change I do so with the intentions of changing my life for the better. It doesn't always work out that way, but I am proud that I've never stopped trying.

Taking Chances in Career

People in my life have called me crazy at times. Truth be told, yeah, I've done some things in my life that have been somewhat off the beaten path. After dropping out of Fordham University at the age of 19, I tried to make up for it by searching endlessly for careers that would make me happy and comfortable, and without a college degree.

I've been a disc jockey and an insurance salesman. I attained my licenses in real estate and securities brokerage. I earned a paralegal certificate and another for audio engineering. None of these vocations ever quite fit into what I was looking for, though, so I always kept looking. After working as a stock boy in a department store for about five years, I was lucky enough to land a job as a teller in a major bank. The job turned into a bona fide career as I moved my way up along the ladder to success...but I wasn't happy.

I took chances all along. Most of the careers I tried to get myself into came along during my banking years because deep down I knew I needed something different to make me feel fulfilled career-wise. I knew all along that I wasn't happy with what I was doing, and instead of settling for a comfortable job with a decent salary, I took chances. Of course the biggest chance I ever took was leaving my then 15-year career at the bank to pursue my current job as an ESL teacher. At the age of 38, I'd finally found the job I realized I was meant to do and I absolutely love it. I only came to this because I took chances. I never stopped trying.

Taking Chances at Love

Taking chances with my love life is a more recent aspect of my life. Though I'd been taking chances all along in pursuit of a satisfying career, I was stuck in an unhappy relationship and was too afraid to take chances with the security it brought me. Almost four years ago, I decided that the twenty-year relationship I had been in since I was 22 was not longer making me happy and I had to do something about it. I'd been miserable inside for five years, longing for change, but terrified to make the move at the same time.

On our 20^th anniversary, I took the advice I had heeded for so long with my career and applied it to my personal life. I wrote the letter that would serve as a catalyst for the dissolution of that relationship. I took a chance and that misery was gone...eventually.

For the better part of three years afterwards I spent my days being single again, sometimes loving it, sometimes not. I never really knew what I was looking for all along, and eventually I settled into enjoying the freedom that I'd had. Then one day this past October, things changed. I met a guy who I didn't think even existed, another person with whom I could be comfortable and one who gave me a happiness I hadn't felt in a long time.

Early on, it became apparent that this new guy might not have been in the right place for a relationship. Though he always spoke about his feeling openly, I believed he was special enough for me to hang in there, and that we would endure. I took the chance and stayed with it wholeheartedly but unfortunately in the end I lost him. It's okay, though, because taking chances involves risk and sometimes things don't turn out the way you'd like them to. It's all a part of living, though, isn't it?

Taking Chances at Leisure

Sometimes in our recreational time we are confronted with things we're afraid to do. About ten years ago I went on a cruise to Bermuda and found myself the only one in the group that was afraid to go snorkeling (It all had to do with sharks and the movie "Jaws.") Not wanting to be the party pooper, I faced my fear and went along, and boy was I glad I did! The experience was one I'll never forget.

Being a huge fan of thrill rides, I've gone to parks with many people over the years that were afraid to give them a try. Every once in awhile, I was able to convince them to take a chance and give it a try. Almost every time their experience with the roller coaster was much like mine in the waters off of Bermuda. The ones who took the chance ended up loving the experience.

Though not every potentially harrowing leisure activity will be undertaken by everyone (For instance, I'd never jump out of an airplane!), everybody's got something that deep inside they might like to do, but are afraid to try. Take a chance and you just might find a new favorite hobby.
Taking Chances on Life

As many of my regular readers are already aware, I am currently at another crossroads in my life. I've recently decided that a big change is needed in my everlasting pursuit of happiness. I've decided to seek another job closer to New York City where I'd like to eventually move. I've already written about it extensively, so I won't discuss it further here, only to say that this is probably one of the biggest chances I'm ever going to take.

Taking chances doesn't always turn out for the better, but like I said, settling for the unhappy parts of your life to me is like not living at all. I've learned that taking chances doesn't always mean taking big leaps of faith. Big changes need to be carefully considered beforehand. This is a lesson I learned along the way and I take it with me now as I pursue this latest endeavor. This key to life is an important one. It's all about living life. So if you're unhappy with certain aspects of your life, don't just sit there and settle. Take a chance, live life, and maybe someday complete happiness will be yours.

For more in this series please see:

Keys to Life

Keys to Life: Key #1 - Live in the Present

Keys to Life: Key #2 - Age Gracefully

Keys to Life#3 - Cultivate Friendships

Keys to Life#4 - Make a Difference

For more articles on the topics presented in this piece, please see:

Crossroads 7: A Shift in Focus

Collected Works: On Being Gay - This contains links to articles in my very first series, "Reflections of a Breakup," about the changes in my life after the breakup.

Changing Careers: My Story - Reflections on leaving a job in pursuit of a dream.

Finding a Career that Fits