Kids 1.0 - Starting Children Off on the Right Foot

There are times when all of us wonder whether or not our kids will turn out to be like those youngsters who sit at the next table at a restaurant and stare at us when we are trying to eat a meal. We shiver at the thought of our children running amuck in the supermarket or department store while their parents struggle to contain them. We have all known kids that would skip school or bully other children. We need to remember that the behavior we find unacceptable in young children is not the child's fault but an indication that the child's parent has dropped the ball.

What can we do to prevent the unacceptable behavior?

Starting your children out on a good note is one way to keep a line of communication with them as they grow. There is one thing that you can give your children that is more important than anything else on the planet...your undivided attention. It does not matter if you only have one hour to spare per day just so long as they feel like they are the most important person in your world for that hour every day.

In this day and age, most parents carry very full plates. Most families have two working parents and time just seems to fly by before we do everything we need to get done. Family time has, for the most part, fallen by the wayside but if we are to be responsible parents and give our kids what they truly need from us, we have to put ourselves behind their needs. We are the ones who decide to bring a child into the world. Children have no choice in the matter. If we make the decision to be parents, we are responsible for giving of ourselves to our children every single day until they no longer need us to. If we do this, by the time they grow to adulthood, they will have all they need to mature into responsible, caring people.

It is impossible to squeeze more than 24 hours out of a day but it is enormously important that we make time for our children. Our kids really don't need to be parked in front of the television or computer for hours every day and they are not going to fall over in a coma if they do not have that cell phone in their hand all the time...there is no actual withdrawal that happens when texting is not available. The point is...we should not indulge our children in gadgets for the sake of occupying them all the time. Electronic equipment is not meant to be a babysitter.

Children are quite resilient and can adapt to most things that life tosses their way but if we, as parents, afford our children with the necessary tools to handle life's pitfalls they will fare much better than they would otherwise.

Life experience has given me the opportunity to see what a child can live with and, more importantly, what is most difficult to live without. Many of us take for granted the most simple of things and we neglect, for whatever reason, to teach our children the important lessons that help them grow to have a well rounded life. Our children learn how to detach from us because we do not use our time with them wisely. They learn that bottling things up inside is less frightening than facing it head on because we do not take the time to listen or because we neglect to teach them to talk with us. They sometimes go miles out of their way just to make us proud but we do not take time to notice. Going to sporting events, recitals, etc. is all good but do we even know why we go? Is it for our kids or is it for ourselves?

A very good example of what not to do can be found by watching "Toddlers and Tiaras" on TLC. How many mothers seem to want to make their child into an extension of themselves? I watched a few episodes and just could not watch it anymore because it is difficult to stomach watching a parent attempt to turn a child into a raging Prima Donna because the parent wants recognition. It happens more times than not and is a shameful example of what NOT to teach a child.

A child is not, and will never be, an extension of their parents. Children, no matter how small, are individuals that have developing thoughts and emotions all their own. If we are to be good parents, it is our responsibility to support our child's individuality and to let them be their own person...not little versions of us.

Can you count how many times you have hugged your youngster today? Older kids may think they are too old for multiple hugs per day, so lets stick to babies up to pre teen. If you can not count how many hugs you have shared with your child, I congratulate you. If you can count...I'm sorry. Small children need to feel that contact with their parents...the younger they are the more connection they need. Some families have other avenues instead of hugs and that's o.k., too, just as long as there is plenty of it. Quality time can be as simple as coloring a picture together, a picnic on the floor, camping with the kids in the back yard, having a water gun (or balloon) fight outside or creating a treasure hunt for them inside or out..

Ideas for quality time with your children are only limited by your imagination.

Our kids grow up entirely too fast and there is only a limited window for us to instill that close bond when they are young. Most often we do not get a second chance. Sometimes we get lucky enough to have more than one chance to bond with the children we have so never stop trying.

How often do you avoid telling your children the whole truth about something? Most parents avoid certain subjects altogether when talking to the kids but that could be, and most often is, a huge mistake. Some topics are avoided by parents because we may believe that our children are too young for such topics. In reality, there are very few topics that are not suitable. If we take the subject matter of a conversation and break it down into language fitting our child's age, we can start the conversations early and not worry about them learning the wrong lessons elsewhere. For instance, if we begin teaching our children about their body and what is inappropriate touching when they are young, they will know what to do if someone tries something they shouldn't. Many children are victims of inappropriate behavior but are afraid to tell us because they have been verbally threatened.

Can you imagine what a child might feel if someone hurt them and then told them that they will get blamed and get in trouble for telling their parent about it? It is much too easy for a child to feel isolated and that causes them to withdraw. Children tend to internalize things and eventually blame themselves for things they have no control over. The only way to avoid this is to put in the effort to give your child every reason to believe in your understanding. If we have not given our children sufficient reason to believe in our understanding, we give them every reason to believe they can not trust us

Trust may not seem like something we have to dole out to our kids when they are still young but it is vitally important that we teach out children that we trust them (when applicable) but they can absolutely trust us.

If we start teaching our children when they are young and continue as they grow, we give them valuable tools that they need in order to become that person we hope they will be.