Kids Fighting?

How do you handle it when your kids fight with one another? Do you have those kids that just can't get along? I have five kids and my older three are always fighting. My oldest is eleven and thinks she knows everything; she also has to be the boss. My second oldest is ten and he also has ADHD which affects him greatly. In the evenings his medicine starts to wear off and he gets angry over everything. My eight year old is an emotional basket case, according to the doctors she is going through puberty early and therefore has highs and lows. Let me tell you they are bad, one minute she is fine laughing with us and the next she is crying and then you turn around again and she is yelling at you. My younger two are four and two and they don't argue that much. To stop arguments in their tracks I have a great method, at least for my two girls.

It's really simple actually. I put the squabbling children in their room or any room actually, but they have to be in there by themselves, I'm not even allowed in. I don't choose sides. I tell them to work it out and then I leave them there until they have come to a solution. When they come out they have to have worked it out or I put them back in there.

Of course there are times and certain situations where I intervene, and they are not allowed to use physical violence on each other; I do listen from the other side of the wall to make sure. For the most part this method works great. They always come out to tell me what their solution was with a hint of pride in their voices. I believe this helps them work on resolving conflict in a mature and positive way.

When my son is involved I have to be present in the room, he tends to become violent when presented with conflict. When my son is involved in a squabble I play the role of a mediator. I have to step in and sort through the conflict. I have them come up with possible solutions and then we go through each one and talk about the pros and cons of the solutions. This seems to work as well, even though I am there and I'm helping them they still are coming up with the solutions themselves.

The last thing I am going to mention is that I don't choose sides most of the time because it makes it hard later on, they see it as favoritism. There are times where it is necessary to choose, and for those special circumstances this method will not work.