Kids, Friendships & Ulcerative Colitis

Have you ever contemplated revealing an embarrassing secret to a friend? If you have, then you know how kids with ulcerative colitis feel on a daily basis. It is almost as though they have something to be ashamed of, some dark secret buried in the family closet, and they don't want anyone to know but are terrified that someone will find out. Let's face it: most kids wouldn't understand what ulcerative colitis means.

I didn't know the name of the disease, but I was certainly familiar with the symptoms as a kid. I was constantly running to the bathroom and wincing whenever I sat down in my hard plastic desk chair. The pain from what I now know were ulcers would result in bouts of vomiting in class, and my friends always had reservations about my health. Kids with ulcerative colitis often have trouble maintaining friendships, but as a parent, you can help.

First, it is important that you don't make ulcerative colitis an issue in your relationship with your child. Kids project their family lives onto their social lives at school, and you'll want them to develop healthy friendships not based on medical diagnoses. Encourage them to relate to other kids in different areas of their lives, such as a shared interest in sports or a fondness for collecting Barbie dolls.

Depending on the seriousness of your child's condition, symptoms might not become a factor until he or she becomes involved in overnight activities. Sleepovers, overnight camp and lock-ins can be especially distressing because they will have to go to the bathroom sometime during the event. They might also have to take their medication in front of their friends, which can be almost as distressing as the symptoms themselves.

My parents were extremely critical of my complaints when I had flare-ups of ulcerative colitis, and even though they didn't know I had an actual disease, they could have been more understanding. If you let your kids set the pace for whatever activities they want to pursue, they'll be far more comfortable in different situations. For example, if your child wants to attend a party for the evening but not stay for the sleepover, try to be okay with that instead of pressuring.

The most valuable thing that you can do as a parent of a kid with ulcerative colitis is give them options. For example, they might want to attend day camp but avoid overnight stays. Or perhaps they want to participate in a sport, but a relatively low-impact one. If this helps them develop healthy friendships with their peers, it is definitely a positive thing in his or her life.

You might also want to talk to the parents of your child's friends and explain the situation. For example, if your child wants to stay over at Becky's house, inform Becky's Mom of the symptoms of ulcerative colitis. Give her instructions for medication, and ask that she be given privacy to use the restroom whenever she needs it. You don't have to tell your child that you've had this conversation, but reassure him or her that everything will be just fine.