Kids Gone Goth? Accept It by Shopping with Them

Rarely are parents happy with their teenagers' choices. There are clashes and misunderstandings in music, fashion, lifestyle, hobbies, friends, and modes of communication. This can be magnified when a teenager chooses to be involved with one of the more extreme cliques, groups, or lifestyles. I hardly know any parent that is completely happy when their child turns Goth.

Of course, Goth comes in many forms, shapes, and styles-just as all people. There is no team uniform, and sometimes regular, ordinary clothing styles can mesh into a Goth character/personality, depending on your teen. If they begin wearing black fingernail polish, dye their long-banged hair black, sport vampire teeth, wear black trench coats and combat boots in the summer, and sport inverted crosses or pentagrams around their neck-this is the most extreme and is actually quite rare.

There are several paths in parenting that you can take at this juncture. You can argue, yell, and fight which will only draw them further away from you, you can watch on with indifference, or you can accept their choice for what it is, a teen fad that they will most likely grow out of. In acceptance, you will take the course of least resistance and find a way to relate. This is not difficult as long as what really matters is being done, such as maintaining good grades. The rest is superficial and will run its course. Let your teenagers be themselves and even encourage their individuality in this way while making sure they are still in your path.

By shopping and buying the clothes they like to wear, you will cause one of two things, gentle embarrassment turning into parental coolness, or your acceptance will slowly direct them away from the Goth scene because how cool can it be if your parents say it is ok? There are no hard and fast rules to buying clothes and accessories for your Goth-inclined teen. You know already what they like to wear. Oftentimes it may be black. What you buy doesn't have to fit the trend, but buy them something nice in black, a dress, a dress shirt, pants, jeans. Even if it sits in the closet awhile, your teens curiosity will get to them one day and they will try it.

The best way to shop for Goth clothes or styles is to go to store selling such items, like the Hot Topic at your local mall, and simply ask. The young attendants at the store will be glad to help. Alternatively, take your teenager with you and let them choose what they like. Ask them why they like it. Talk about it. Keep a line of communication open and keep the dialogue flowing. Continue to ask and don't be put off by silence or apathetic one-word answers. That is the way of the teenager. Most of all, show that you care and that you are interested in them. Let them know that you are willing to bend and allow them some personal freedoms in return for good grades and staying out of trouble.

Of course, this cannot be done overnight; hopefully you have built and kept a positive rapport throughout childhood. However, if this is not the case, don't be afraid to start. It has to start somewhere and you are the adult. Just take it slowly and learn as you go. Be strict about the important stuff, but let go of such silliness as young style and fashion, no matter how strange it may seem to you. Surely you remember a time when you were the strange one.