Kieala's Blog #16

Well people it's been a while since I last wrote. A lot of things have been going on in my life that completely caught me off guard, but not bad, just too busy having fun to write. I was promoted on my job out of no where, for a job I didn't even know I was being considered for. I am basically my boss' right-hand girl, he ran a department of about 30 people, who do a "gumbo" of task that keep the bank running behind the scenes. So some executives felt that it would be best if they split the department into two sections; Computer Systems and Account Maintenance - it seemed that our IT geeks and the regular people like me who worked on accounts maintenance didn't like being in the same area together. So guess whose now, Senior Account Maintenance Supervisor? ME!!! Just a fancy name to say that, next to my boss, I'm the next best person that really knows how to fix a file when one of the personal bankers down below screws it up really bad. I received a nice raise too and perks that I didn't even know existed by being in senior level in banking. Also I got a nice office with a window and my section of the divided department moved to our own floor in the building.

Also I had to be trained on some very confidential information that not just anyone is privy too. And I had to go all the way to sunny Miami, Florida to get this all so important knowledge for two whole months all expenses paid. It felt really good to get away from Mr. Ex, well we can't call him the ex any more seeing that we are still together; his government name is Mr. Calvin Johnson. Calvin wasn't happy that I had to go to Florida and the fact that he couldn't see me everyday drove him completely bunkers. By this time things sort of calmed down as far as other women and he seemed a bit more into me than before, but I guess something came over me in the sense I was beginning to wonder if I could do better. Yes I still loved Calvin but, after all the wronged he'd done to me I think a bit of unforgiveness had settled in. I wasn't as into him as I was before and I found myself just go along with the "relationship" sort of like a habit.

I stopped talking to the low-life Mr. AJ, he was just simply becoming annoying. With the baby mama drama and he just started becoming really clingy; I'd never saw a man like that and if I was going to get caught cheating I didn't want it to be with him. And Mr. Handsome was still very much around; I had to eventually tell him that Calvin and I had gotten back together; he wasn't surprise though, he said he knew some thing was up with me and he figured it was another guy. We would have secret lunch meetings every Wednesday and we became good friends and quite close. Some times after having a good conversation with him or having a good lunch with him he would be so on my mind that when I'd get home to Calvin it actually put me in bad mood, because I'd had rather see Mr. Handsome then be home with him.

While in Florida, Mr. Handsome took some very much needed time off and had a little R&R with me. I know, I know, very dangerous but it was fun. We did everything from hitting the clubs on the Miami strip to just lounging around on the beach. We just really lived it up. He took me shopping, we ate at some of the finest restaurants and pretty much spent every moment we could together. I saw a bit of jealous come over him in the times that I had to take long phone calls with Calvin, but it would quickly go away when we would hang out and I let him hold my hand or let him hug me and keep me close to him. Sometimes I would feel bad for him and some times I would think that he just wanted me and was nice because he couldn't have me.

To this day Mr. Handsome and I have never had sex. I often wonder how can a man be so patient? I have to be honest I do think I'm teasing Mr. Handsome a bit. I let him get real close sometimes and then I press the breaks on him. I wonder what makes him not get angry with me and not give me an ultimatum?

Katrina says that I'm leading Mr. Handsome on and that I should really try to make things work out with Calvin. Speaking of her she and Brian had a beautiful baby boy, of course it was a Jr. Katrina absolutely adores her husband, so its only appropriate to name the first born directly after him. After spending so much time with Katrina, Calvin wanted to meet her and her husband - it was almost like he just wanted to make sure they were real people.

At first meeting of Katrina and Brian, Calvin wasn't too interested because he knew they were saved; he thought that he would have nothing to talk about with them. But once realizing that they were real down to earth he finally came around and loosened up. We do the couples outings and visit one another's house for dinner frequently. Brian's observation of Calvin is that he just needs to grow up. His words are, "He's just a boy realizing that it's time to become a man and he having just a bit of a struggle." But I don't know how much time I have to wait on him to become a man. He's almost 30 years old you would have thought at 25 he'd realize that its time to put childish things away; but I guess not my Calvin.

Katrina and Brian have been trying to get us to come to church with them on Sundays, but neither I nor Calvin is quite ready for all of that. I got enough on my plate as it is....

When I came back from Miami I can say that I missed spending the time with Mr. Handsome. Calvin just wasn't hitting the spot any more. Some weeks we would have good weeks and I would want to try a little harder to like him. And some weeks I was just praying that he wouldn't even touch me. I also saw an insecurity develop over him...I didn't even think men could be insecure. I think because Calvin and I was together for so long he began to notice that spell he had over me was beginning to fade away, and he didn't quite know how to cast again. I know he couldn't put his finger on what was causing my love to slip away but he knew that it was fading. Now it seemed like the tables were turned and he found himself in that very same place that he put me in almost a year ago. It's funny because he even started talking kids, thinking that would suddenly snap me back into his arms, but for me starting a family is not the answer for us.... I don't know, I'm just starting to think that love we once had just don't live here any more...for me at least..... ^-^ *hunching my shoulders*

This is my life....thanks for listening...I'll be in contact....