Kieala's Blog #17

Now they say women are the best when it comes to cheating because we know how to hide things and not get caught....they say we only get caught if we want to.

Ok so I'm not actually cheating on Calvin...I'm not sleeping with Mr. Handsome or anything like that. I guess what I'm having is this new term called an "emotional affair." It's what you do with another person, when the one you're with meets some of your needs but isn't there for you emotionally. So you have an emotional affair with some unsuspecting person that comes along and says all the right things to you. You don't mean to do it, but you've tried and tried to tell the one you're with about you needs and they seem to care less about them; therefore you have some one like Mr. Handsome waiting to step in and do what you need him to do...

So one night, it was a Friday night, Calvin and I were having one of our movie nights, and once again I'm just not feeling him this day. I had a rough day at work, then I come home Calvin wants me to cook. Mind you he hadn't showed me any attention all week...too busy doing too much after work and not being around. Even when he would come home from being out you would think he would love me down or something, but oh no, I get a 2 minute brother and a bunch of frustration.

But I went on and cooked, I made him some good ole fried chicken and home made mashed potatoes and some corn...it's his favorite...and we watched a movie, Love Jones...it's one of my favorites. The whole time while the movie was on Calvin was trying to snuggle and I was thinking about Mr. Handsome. When Larenz Tate was trying to mack to Nia Long, I was putting me and Mr. Handsome in their places...and when they broke up and Larenz' character was acting like a jerk...Calvin surely fit that role in the movie.

I hadn't been able to see him for a while. When Mr. Handsome took that vacation with me that meant when he got back to work that he would be swamped and would have to play catch up. So I haven't been able to have my lunch dates with him and had to settle for short phone conversations with him through out the work week.

The movie was over, time to get in the bed and Calvin hit a record...he lasted an amazing 5 minutes and rolled over and fell asleep like a big bear. Immediately Whitney Houston's line came to me from the movie Waiting to Exhale... "Shoot, I coulda had a V8..." LOL!!!! Then I went on a drifted off.

The next morning I wake up and Calvin is sitting on the bed just looking at me. I'm looking at him like "What?!?!" I get up, go to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth, he follows me to the bathroom and stands in the doorway still looking at me. I'm thinking to myself this man got something up his sleeve or on his mind and I'm wishing he'd just come out with it. As I'm making my way to the kitchen to make me some coffee he asked me the most stunning question in my life..... "Who is Jon?" I couldn't help but to turn to him with big eyes and say, "Huh?"

He asked me again who Jon was; I got my composure together and told him that I didn't know what he was talking about and asked him why he asked me that. He said when he got up that morning I was moving around and tossing and turning, he said he thought I was having a bad dream and was going to wake me up until he heard me say, "Jon I miss you." He says he sat there for a while to listen for more words, but really the only thing that came out were moans and he said I was even smiling in my sleep. I swear at this moment it feels like something right out of a movie. I couldn't believe I was doing all that in my sleep.

If you hadn't figured out by now, Jon is Mr. Handsome. Mr. Jon Smith.

Now I did have a dream about Jon and it wasn't a bad one either. I guess it's that emotional affair that slowly but surely trying to take over. Jon crept into my dreams and made love to me the way Calvin use to when he was trying to get me to fall in love with him. When Calvin and I first got together he use to treat me like a woman and really just catered to me, sort-of like how Jon is doing now. And that made me just fall head-over-heels in love with Calvin, but it seems like once he got me all that stopped.

But I couldn't tell Calvin that I was dreaming about another man. I couldn't tell Calvin that the way that man made me feel in that dream was the best that I've felt in a long time. I couldn't tell him about the way he held me and kissed me softly and told me all the things that I wanted to hear....no I couldn't tell him that. I just kept going on with my story that I didn't know what he was talking about. He was getting really frustrated with me, because he knew what he was talking about, but yet I was performing the Academy Awards performance of my life. I told him he was hearing things and I don't even know anyone by the name of Jon and told him that I don't even remember dreaming about anything last night. I even threw a little lie in there and said I was knocked out from our love making session and I slept like a baby that night...so what ever it was it must've been nothing because I didn't recall it. After a while he eased up on the conversation and let it go. But it was a little tension in the air. So the best way I thought that I could get his mind off of what he suspected that was going on in my dream, I just got real close to him and seduced him like women do to men and loved him down....you know feed that ego a little bit so he can still think he "da man."

Uhmm!! Ok I have to be more careful. A lady once told me that it don't matter how much dirt a man do on you. One slip up from you and he can't handle it. She said that men can never take what they dish out. And I'm slowly really seeing that and realizing that with Calvin. So from now on I need to make sure that I'm not thinking about another man before I go to bed at night...other wise I'll be dreaming about him and talking in my sleep...

This is my life...thanks for listening...I'll be in contact...