Kieala's Blog

So now that I'm a free woman, what do I do? I spent the last three years of my life "involved," nearly spending every moment of my life with a man. I mean, I know I can't compare it with a 50-year married couple, but it's still time out of my life. Over the last couple of days I've been trying to figure out what to do.

I'm use to waking up with a man almost every morning and now, nothing. It's been over two months and I just realized, like really realized, I'm single. Not a term that I really like using, but one day I'll get use to it.

So I thought about Mr. Handsome and he's a really nice guy and if I was really ready for another relationship he's somebody that I'd really consider being with, so I'm going to put him on the back burner until I'm ready. I haven't called him, but he's called me a few times...I kept the conversations short and sweet. But if he's a good man, I don't want to mess him up with my issues.

So back to me being single... I went out Saturday night and I literally could have been one of those women in one of those melodramas about a lonely beautiful woman that just keeps having "man problems." I got to the club really early, I was bored and I really was tired of looking at The Lifetime Channel. I sat at the bar and ordered my drink and as I sat there I took a trip down memory lane, and as I continued to stroll down memory lane I kept ordering drinks and the next thing I knew, I was drunk and at the door of the ex. (Ladies never go out by yourself and get drunk and there is no one to stop you from going to the ex's house.)

So as I stood outside his apartment building ringing the door bell and calling his cell phone simultaneously, my subconscious sober self said to my drunk self, "What the heck are you doing here?" It seemed like the alcohol awakened the mad-angry-I-can't-believe-you-wasted-my-time-I-wish-I-could-turn-back-the-hands-of-time-I-would-kill-you-if-I-wasn't-afraid-of-going-to-jail person inside of me. I just really wanted to give him a piece of my mind. But he wouldn't answer nor come to the door. I stood outside his apartment for about 20 minutes before I gave up. I went home and went to sleep.

I woke up the next morning with a hangover and depressed. I was depressed because I took myself mentally some where that I'd really didn't want to go. I was depressed because I couldn't get off my chest what I wanted to say to the ex face-to-face. I was depressed because I was thinking, he's gone on with his life and I'm stuck here trying to figure what my life needs to be about. Everybody is saying let it go, take time to yourself, have some "me time." Can somebody tell me how to do that, because I can't figure it out. I'm tired of thinking about what my life was suppose to be like.

I wasn't prepared for this, who thinks about breaking up with a boyfriend. I wasn't prepared on what to do in the event, my some what perfect relationship suddenly ended. Who's really sitting around and saying, "If my man decides to leave me what will I do?" Do you ladies, who are in relationships in which seems to be going fine, prepare yourself for what will happen if that man leaves you? If I had a million dollars, I'm sure I could bet that some of you would say, "He better think twice about it, after all the mess that I put up with" or some of my ride-or-die chicks would probably get a little crazy with it and threaten to burn up all his clothes like my girl Angela Bassett did in Waiting to Exhale, if he ever decide to leave. I mean, when you think you've found "the one", who prepares themself for it to be over?

Ok...sorry for the rant...back to being single. I'm really trying to embrace this thing y'all but it ain't easy..lol. So Sunday after getting myself together, I got up and went to the local bar and grill to grab a bite to eat. It was unusually crowded and the wait for a table was 45 minutes, so I just sat at the bar. Immediately I realized that I was surrounded by nothing but men and as I took a survey of them all, I realized that all eyes were on me. So I just went on as if I didn't notice that I was the main attraction. There was football game on, so I just got into the game right along with the men to blend in.

So as the bartender sat my dinner in front of me a nice looking gentleman decided he would be the one to spark up a conversation with me. We'll call him Mr. AJ, I say he was about 6 feet, light skinned and average build, he wasn't Mr. Handsome but he was definitely adorable. He asked me "What was a sexy, beautiful woman like yourself doing in a bar all by herself?" I told him, "I was hungry and came out to have fun." He asked me, "What kind of fun?" And I simply replied, "The type of fun that only "single girls" could have." He meditated on that reply with raised eyebrows.

So we continued in the conversation about meaningless things and finally he got to the point and asked for my number. I said yes and took his also. He asked me if I was going to use his number and I said, "Are you going to use mine?" He chuckled and said, "Of course!" And I said, "Well then, don't you think your question was a stupid question?" He said that I was going to be a "piece of work and looked forward to having fun with me."

Hey look, don't beat me up about him. I'm not looking for a relationship and I'm not looking to get into anything deep. I just want to have fun. I'm young, I'm beautiful, I'm sexy, I'm vibrant and I just want to have fun!! I've pretty much been a good girl all my life, did everything "the right way" and I don't feel satisfied with the outcome. So I've decided that I'm going to throw caution to the wind and let it go where ever it wants to....

CAUSE GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN!!!

This is my life...thanks for listening...I'll be in contact....