Killing Them with Kindness

I was a total nerd when I was in school. The worst thing was I knew it. It wasn't always like that though. School was great during my elementary years. But, I moved when I was 13. Gone were the bonds I made during my childhood and I was tossed in a school full of strangers.

I am very short. I'm 32 and only 5' 1". So picture me at 13! I was pretty much a tomboy. I still wore the short very boyish haircut my mom said that looked good on me. I wore no makeup and all the blue jeans made for teens were way to long. Since my mom didn't sew the best thing I could do was roll them up. They always didn't stay rolled up either. My glasses looked like coke bottles and my bad knee quickly earned me the nickname "Ducky". Are you laughing? I sure wasn't & amazed I can now even though I still carry the painful scars deep inside.

The teasing really started when a popular girl set her eyes on me. One day I was sitting on my bed and my phone rang. I picked up it and it was a BOY! He wanted to talk to me. He invited me the school dance. I jumped off my bed knocking things down so I could go ask my parents. I didn't even know this boy but I was happy to be asked. I told him yes and awhile later I found out that I was being set up. Some kids were playing a joke on me and another boy. He too had gotten a phone call from a girl claiming to be me. I was crushed.

After that girls gathered in the hall and would laugh at me. It seemed like the whole school knew about the joke. Things kept getting worse and my clothes were laughed at, kids would grab my long jeans as I walked by and when I talked to someone they'd move around telling me to look at them. They told me my glasses were thick they couldn't see my eyes.

I don't know where the idea to "Kill them with kindness" came from. Part me thinks I just got tired of ignoring them or asking them to quit. But it started one morning as I walked to my locker. The leader of the girl group was standing off with her friends. I walked to my locker and right away they were pointing and laughing at me. I walked up to the leader and said "Hi. Wow, that shirt is so cool! Where did you get it?" She just laughed and looked her friends and said something like "Who does she think she is?" Like she was shocked I had the nerve to talk to her. I just smiled and said "I hope you have a good day." I walked away leaving her dumb founded.

I kept it up. One time I remember she mentioned to her friend she was out of paper and I handed her a bunch to use for the rest of the day. Another time she had lost her pen and I gave her a brand new. Honestly, I am shocked she took it. I had known in the past she acted like I had germs or something. But she was shocked by my kindness.

Believe it or not she stopped teasing me and moved on to someone else. She even signed my yearbook! Of course she didn't let me sign her's but she signed mine.

I used this a year later when another girl started teasing me in the same way. This girl and I later became kind of friends. We would talk a little bit in class and such but never out of school. Her teasing was much worse. She and a bunch of girls put used maxi pads on my backpack. The day before my backpack had been knocked over by some kid spilling out my books and pads. So I guess they thought it would be funny to put used bloody ones on mine.

Sadly, I didn't know about this trick till a friend of mine pointed it out. A few other kids had told me but I thought they were teasing me since everyone was laughing as I walked down the hallway.

I still bear the scars from the teasing in school. I ended up dropping out school never finishing the 10^th grade. I got my GED and married a wonderful man at the age of 18. He is almost 10yrs older than I me and we've been married almost 14yrs. We are blessed with three children and believe it or not I homeschool them.

Anyone can use the "killing them with kindness". I use it a lot on family members who are really negative, judgmental & pretty much the kind of relative you must put up with because you are family.

I've suggest this tons of times to kids or teens who complain of annoying brothers or sisters. Plus kids who are teased in school and also even adults who must deal with other adults who are difficult to live with.

Here are some steps to follow so you too can start "killing them with kindness":

1. The first thing you need to learn and remember is that "Hurting people hurt people." - I learned that from Joyce Meyer who is a wonderful Christian speaker. So remember who ever is hurting you is also hurting inside. People who tease, put down others or bullies someone has somehow been hurt themselves. People like this sometimes feel better making others hurt. It is a sad but true fact. So keep that in mind.

2. What do they like? Other than themselves - People like this tend to be selfish and full of themselves. So the best thing to do is give them compliments. This works best on females. Comment on their clothes, make up, hair and what ever else you can think of. If you are dealing with a male find something they are proud of like maybe their car, a new gadget or something else. Keep your eyes and ears open. Maybe your annoying little brother is begging to rent a new DVD that came out or something. You can offer to watch it with him. Is your mother in law always picking on you and saying you can't do things right? Well, let your pride slide and ask for her help. That will brighten her day. Does your male boss pick on you for no reason? Ask him to tell you about that long vacation he took. People like this love to talk about themselves.

3. Play the glad game - I have more than one family member that is negative. People with these personalities can walk into the most beautiful rooms and find the smallest smudge paint that is well hidden in a corner. That is all they see. These people are hard to deal with and honestly it makes my head ache just to think about it.

I've learned one of the best ways to handle them is to become like Pollyanna. If you haven't seen the movie Pollyanna she talks about how her dad taught her how to play the glad game.

Pollyanna was poor and one Christmas she wanted a baby doll. Well, sadly she got crutches. Her dad suggested they play the glad game and come with something to be glad about. She was glad she didn't have use the crutches. It sounds rather sappy but it works.

So when I am with people like this I try my hardest to play the "Glad Game". I try to force myself to smile and keep things positive. It takes a lot of prayer and patience on my part but after awhile you get the hang of it.

4. Offer your help - This may sound weird. I mean why in the world would someone want to help the one who is being so mean to them. The key is to remember what I wrote about in #1. "Hurting people hurt people"

So keeps your eyes and ears open. Does this person need help with their homework, maybe your rude aunt needs someone to help her in her garden or your annoying little sister might be having trouble at school?

As a Christian I can't help remembering how Jesus would go talk to some of the meanest people. Others were shocked that a man of God would go into a land of sinners. But if you think about it mean people are those who need the most help.

5. Don't give up - This may not work right away. The person who is mean and rude to you may look at you like you are crazy. Especially if it is a bully or someone you have been mean to in the past. So expect them to be shocked and wonder what is going on.

6. The Golden Rule - Remember what you learned or should have learned in either Sunday school or Kindergarten. "Do Unto Others As You Will Have Them Do Unto You." This is from the bible and it means that you treat people how you want to be treated. Sadly people don't follow this rule and this is when people get hurt. So if you are being bullied, treated badly in your work place or by other family members just treat them how you want to be treated. We all want to be listened to, understood, cared for and loved. So if you put that out towards others most of the time others will return it right back to you.

One example I wanted to share was the story about a girl who was teased nonstop by her little brother. She is a teenager and posted on Yahoo Answers for help with her little brother. I think he was around 10 or 11. She said he would hit her, steal and break her things and she didn't know what to do. I suggested that she "kill him with kindness". I wrote a few suggestions like to ask him to watch a movie with her, offer to fix him lunch one weekend and even buy him a CD. I really didn't expect to hear back from her But about a week later she wrote "You will not believe it but it worked!" She wrote this in all caps and thanked me for the suggestion.

I wrote this hoping it will help others who was teased or treated badly. This is what has worked for me and unfortunately it doesn't work all the time. But, I have learned to follow the "Golden Rule" and that is the best I can do.