Killing Them with Kindness on the Job

People love to complain. It must be a basic part of human nature or something, because it seems that nearly everyone enjoys grumping and moaning about when they have been wronged. I don't think there is any way to stop people from grouching or carrying on about personal issues--everyone needs to vent when, say, their boyfriend/girlfriend/parent/best friend betrays them in some way. So, that type of complaining will never go away.

But, I think there is a way to change your attitude so that you don't have to deal with at least one other types of complaining--I'm talking about the kind of bellyaching that comes along with your job. Oh, I'm not saying that if you change your attitude all of a sudden everyone at your job is going to bow down to your every whim, bending over backward to please you--your co-workers are going to act the same as they ever did before. And there isn't some magic wand you can wave to keep everything going your way--things will still go wrong at times, people may still treat you badly. So, what can you do about this?

Kill them with kindness. That's it. That's the key. In every situation where you would ordinarily get testy or annoyed, swallow that feeling and change it to sweetness. Take a deep breath and be as kind as possible (without being fake--if you sound fake, you will sound sarcastic, and that is not what we are trying to achieve here). Smile (or at least keep a straight face without a frown or a grimace) and talk calmly, keep in control, and be kind.

Here is an example of a situation in which this would work. Say you are at work, in a meeting with your co-workers and your boss. After some initial talk from your boss, one of your co-workers pipes up and mentions an idea that he had, and everyone loves the idea. The only problem is, it wasn't his idea--it was yours, he stole the idea from when you were chatting with him yesterday. Obviously, your first reaction in this case would be to get angry, but that isn't going to help. Instead, bring out your smile and kindness and jump into the conversation--say something like, "Oh, John, I'm so happy you liked my idea that I mentioned to you yesterday enough to mention it to the boss!" Then, turn to your boss and (still talking calmly, as if there is no problem at all--even if you are seething inside) talk more about your idea, giving more details. By reacting this way, you have taken control of your own idea without a problem--something I'm sure your boss would appreciate much more than you coming to his office after the meeting complaining about a stolen idea.

This same approach works in other ways on the job, too. For instance, at many workplaces there are people who work in different departments. Occasionally you may need something from someone in another department--you might need someone in the computer department to fix your printer, perhaps. Kindly call up the computer department, saying something like, "Hello, this is Mary over in billing. How are you?" and chit-chat for a moment or so. Then put in your request, "I was hoping you could send someone over to fix my printer--it is acting up again and the pages keep getting jammed. I can use Joan's printer until you can get someone up here, though." Chances are, you may get that printer fixed sooner rather than later. But, if you call up the computer department, saying, "Mary from billing here--my printer isn't working. Send someone to fix it now," you may not get such speedy service.

Often at work people try to get away with doing things that really should be done on their personal time, as I'm sure you are aware--things like surfing the internet or making personal phone calls. If you notice your secretary or assistant doing something like that, you can use the "kill them with kindness" approach with her as well. Instead of ranting and raving at her, or instead of removing her internet or long-distance access, try a simple friendly chat. Go up to her (smiling, of course) and say something like, "Jill--I've noticed that you are so good at finding online deals! I'm going to have you check out pricing deals on those office supplies we need--I bet you could probably find a better deal than anyone here since you know the internet so well. Do you think, though, that you could try searching for your personal deals during your lunch hour? Of course, you can look for the office supplies during work hours, though!" Notice how the complaint about Jill--her being on the internet during work time--was sandwiched between the compliment and the offer of extra responsibility? It is likely that Jill will be excited about getting some new aspect to her job, especially one that was so well-praised--and therefore, she probably won't be upset about being caught out at surfing the internet during office hours. This way, you have gotten her to stop without her being surly about it--your kindness about the matter made all the difference.

Now, I'm not saying that by using this approach you will never have to complain about any kind of job situation. There will likely be times that things occur which you need to address with the boss or which should be reported to the company's management. Still, even in these cases, keep your kindness and calmness about you and things will go much more smoothly for you. No boss wants a angry or out-of-control employee barging into his office, raging about some injustice--but, if you go in there calmly and simply state the problem (not venting about the problem, just talking about it), you will be much more likely to get the solution you want. And, if you call your company's management fuming and furious about a problem, they will not listen as well as they would if you call them and speak with a calm and clear voice.

Have you have ever heard the phrase "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar?" That phrase says it all--if you use 'honey' (your kindness) you will 'catch the flies', meaning that you will get what you want. Kill them with kindness--give it a try and you'll find that you are doing a lot less complaining about your workplace. I'm sure your family and friends will be glad!