King Glum and the Crown of Fools

Once upon a time, there lived a noble king. His name was King Glum. The king was very kind but also very unhappy. He had one daughter. Her name was Princess Dill. She was beautiful. With blond hair as soft as silk and a smile that could brighten up the palace, she wished that her father would not be so sad.

One day, a knight presented himself before the king. His name was Sir Thanks A Lot. "Your majesty, I have heard rumors that there is a magical crown in the Valley of the Ogre. The crown is called "The Crown of Fools." The power of this crown shall make whoever wears it immortal."

For the first time in weeks, the king smiled. "An immortal crown would be worth its weight in gold. Send my knights to the Valley of the Ogre. The knight that brings me back the crown shall marry my daughter and be given a palace full of gold."

The brave knights took up the challenge. However, many weeks went by and no one had successfully found the crown. Many knights had perished trying to find it. Three months passed by before a knight entered the palace with the treasure. His name was Sir Galaxy. He was tall, handsome, and strong. His laughter could be heard throughout the land.

"Your majesty, I have the Crown of Fools. I was able to take it from Clown McDonald. It was a treacherous mission. I almost died laughing. You see, Clown McDonald told many jokes and puns. He was hysterical. Fortunately, when I told him that Princess Dill wore a baby dragon nightgown, he thought this was so funny that he gave me the crown. I couldn't believe my good fortune. I present you with the crown. However, I must first tell you something important about the crown before you place it on your head."

"Perish the thought," said King Glum. "I shall put this crown upon my head right now."

"No, your majesty. You must first listen to what I have to..."

"I've waited three months. I can wait no longer."

"Please," begged Sir Galaxy. "You must listen to me."

It was too late. King Glum lifted the crown and placed it on his head.

"I'm immortal," shouted the king. "Say, do you know why the princess is called Princess Dill?"

"I do not know why," responded Sir Galaxy.

"Because she is a pickle of a lady. Ha! Ha! Princess Dill loves her pickles sweet, just like her men. Ha! Ha!"

"Your majesty, you didn't allow me time to tell you that whoever wears the crown shall be a captive fool. You shall tell jokes and puns forever."

"Great," chuckled King Glum. "From now on call me King Dum Dum. My staff shall be this lollipop. It's cherry flavor. Speaking of cherries, did you know what you get with a spoonful of sugar?"

"Again, I do not know your majesty."

"You get Cherry Poppins. Ha! Ha!"

King Dum Dum did indeed gain his immortality. He lived on for decades telling jokes, riddles, and puns. Indeed, it would take two centuries before the king lost his crown. He would give it to a wandering minstrel named Robina Williams of York. Robina sang songs that were so hysterically funny that the king lifted his crown and gave it to the minstrel. Shortly after giving away his crown, the good king died. But at least he died with a smile on his face.

As for Princess Dill, she did marry Sir Galaxy. The wedding was out of this world. They lived happily ever after in the Palace of Spears. Princess Dill did give birth to a son. His name was Prince Gherkin. The adventures of Prince Gherkin must be told another time. For now, it is enough to say that the tale of King Glum is over. And as King Glum or rather King Dum Dum would say, "Hey, has anyone seen the Duke of Wayne? I understand that he has a date waiting for him at the Alamo. Ha! Ha!"