King Kong Lives or How to Heal a Broken Heart with Linda Hamilton and John Ashton

January 28, 2006 - If the 1976 remake of "King Kong" is crap, then its sequel, "King Kong Lives", is one of those flies that feeds off of crap, and if that visual makes you nauseous, then you have some idea of what it feels like to sit through this crud-eater of a film. The plot, as it were, revolves around a comatose Kong being revived by a group of scientists headed up by Amy Franklin (Linda Hamilton ["The Terminator"]) after his famous tumble off the top of the Empire State Building that closed the original picture and the '76 remake. Kong needs a new heart and so one has been successfully built for him, but in order to make it work a blood transfusion is necessary, and as you have no doubt figured out almost immediately, there are not a lot of blood donors that match up with the King. That is until Hank Mitchell (Brian Kerwin ["Nip/Tuck"]) finds a female Kong in a rain forest. She becomes the donor, and, therefore, enables Amy to perform the heart transplant, which is a success with the exception of one unexpected side effect: love. Kong and Lady Kong fall for each other, escape, and while on the lam, make a baby. However, since having giant apes running around unchecked is not ideal, the military is, of course, brought in, led by Col. Nevitt (John Ashton ["Beverly Hills Cop"]), and from that point on it becomes a tug of war between them and Amy and Hank as to whether the Swiss Family Kong will be captured dead or alive.

I'm disturbed on many levels by "King Kong Lives", but most of all because it was shot in my native Tennessee, and that, that disturbs me is not just because it's a poorly made film, but because all the locals are portrayed as some kind of over the top hillbilly stereotype, and any run-ins they have with the Family Kong turn into an episode of "When Hillbillies Attack!". That being said, there is one good part of this silly and stupid film, and that is resident badass John Ashton, but even he's not enough to recommend this waste of space piece of dreck.