Kisses Are Free

Whenever I was hesitant about a guy I liked, a friend used to remind me that, "kisses are free." Not that one should run around kissing every person in sight without first ascertaining their relationship status and level of interest, but there's no obligation in kissing, no commitment. Invitation? ...maybe. Communication of attraction? ...definitely. I don't believe people are born good kissers. Yes, you have instincts, but like most things in life, it takes practice to get good. Let's assume you've found an interested partner. What can you do to become a better kisser...aside from practicing?

1. Be confident. Kissing is an intimate thing. Hesitation can breed doubt, in yourself and your fellow kisser. Be bold. Personalities can be dominate, submissive, or anywhere in between. A good give-and-take is a safe way to start. You don't want to intimidate, but if you're initiating, you have to have self-confidence. Knowing what you want and going for it, doesn't necessarily mean you have to throw someone against a wall and pin them there while you smothering them with your lips. Taking a person's face in both your hands and looking deeply into their eyes while slowing moving closer can give an uninterested party enough time to speak up. Always remember there is a difference between confidence and force. You should never force yourself on anyone.

2. Pay attention. This is easier said than done. When you're in the middle of kiss, your heart is pounding, your adrenaline is pumping. It's hard to coordinate your hands and your mouth, and still pay attention to what the other person is doing. Are they moving unconsciously in response to pleasurable sensations? Or are they squirming uncomfortably? Are they trying to break the kiss and back off, or are they engaging and reciprocating? Before you get all caught up in what you are doing, take a minute and listen to the recipient of your kiss. Are they moaning because it's so good, or because it's so bad? Can't tell? Ask them.

3. Communicate. Words aren't the only method of communication, but it's the easiest, clearest way to make your wishes and intentions known. Do you like something your kisser did? Reward them with a little sigh of pleasure, or a smile, or just tell them, "hey I liked that." The same thing goes, if you don't like something. If you don't say something right away, it might be awkward when they keep doing it and later on you tell them you're not enjoying it. How would you feel if you'd been putting you tongue in your partner's navel because you read somewhere that people like that kind of thing, only to have you partner tell you after you've been doing it again and again, that it was a turn off for them? Be vocal when you like something and be vocal when you don't.

4. Don't be afraid to try something new. I had no idea the ear could be an erogenous zone. The first time a guy started kissing my ear, I thought, what hell is he doing? Is he having trouble finding my neck? When I asked him what he was doing, he just said, "I'm kissing your ear. Just wait a minute." Apparently he was only getting warmed up. It took a little while for me to get over it and get into it, but I wasn't disappointed.

Kiss at every opportunity you have. Learn everything you can from the partner you're with. Pay attention to what they do and copy them. Most people will demonstrate what they like. If you don't want to be kissed, don't hesitate to speak up. There's nothing wrong with asking your partner, if they want to be kissed; or simply declaring, "I'm going to kiss you now." Sometimes the anticipation after such a declaration can be a turn on. There is no right or wrong when it comes to kissing. Everyone likes different things. Just remember to be conscious of your partner. Kisses are free. Get out there and practice.