Knocked Up Quotes - Funny Quotes from Knocked Up

The 2007 comedy movie, "Knocked Up", is another one of those movies that I can watch ten times and still laugh my head off each viewing. I actually have watched Knocked Up several times, and I can quote almost every scene from the movie word for word. Here is a summary of "Knocked Up".

When Alison Scott is promoted in E! Television, she goes to a night-club to celebrate with her older married sister Debbie. Alison meets the pothead reckless Ben Stone and while having a small talk with Ben, Debbie's husband Pete calls her to tell that their daughter has chicken pots. Debbie leaves the place but Allison stays with Ben, drinking and dancing along all night; completely wasted, they end up having a one night stand. Ben does not use a condom and eight weeks later, Allison discovers that she is pregnant. She calls Ben and they decide to try to stay together and have the baby. However, Ben needs to grow-up first to raise a family of his own.

Here are some funny quotes from "Knocked Up".

Ben Stone: Our baby is going to be French Canadian.
Alison Scott: And a little bit Spanish...?
Ben Stone: Yeah, I'm not very good with accents.

Alison Scott: [to Debbie] What do you think? He's funny, right?
Ben Stone: [to Debbie's kids] Fetch!
Debbie: [to Alison] He's playing fetch... with my kids... he's treating my kids like they're dogs.

Debbie: I'm not gonna go to the end of the fucking line, who the fuck are you? I have just as much of a right to be here as any of these little skanky girls. What, am I not skanky enough for you, you want me to hike up my fucking skirt? What the fuck is your problem? I'm not going anywhere, you're just some roided out freak with a fucking clipboard. And your stupid little fucking rope! You know what, you may have power now but you are not god. You're a doorman, okay. You're a doorman, doorman, doorman, doorman, doorman, so... Fuck You! You fucking fag with your fucking little faggy gloves.
Doorman: I know... you're right. I'm so sorry, I fuckin' hate this job. I don't want to be the one to pass judgement, decide who gets in. Shit makes me sick to my stomach, I get the runs from the stress. It's not cause you're not hot, I would love to tap that ass. I would tear that ass up. I can't let you in cause you're old as fuck. For this club, you know, not for the earth.
Debbie: What?
Doorman: You old, she pregnant. Can't have a bunch of old pregnant bitches running around. That's crazy, I'm only allowed to let in five percent black people. He said that, that means if there's 25 people here I get to let in one and a quarter black people. So I gotta hope there's a black midget in the crowd.

Pete: Just don't ask me to lend you any money.
Ben Stone: Can I just - have some?

Alison Scott: I was drunk!
Ben Stone: Was your vagina drunk?

Pete: Marriage is like a tense, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn't last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.

Funny Knocked Up Quotes - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0478311/quotes
Knocked Up Summary - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0478311/plotsummary