Know Your Blood Typo!

I call her Spelladonna. You can, too, because she doesn't exist.

Spelladonna is an amalgam. A caricature. A shade of some soul that, at one time or another, all of us have met.

Spelladonna can be anybody: neighbor or co-worker; consultant, contractor or temp; employee, manager or executive; male, female or Self-Actualized Free Spirit Not Bound By Atavistic Social Stereotypes, a group which would have its own bathroom, if anybody could figure out how to fit the name on the door.

Spelladonna is not a female. In this article, I refer to Spelladonna as "her" for pure academic reasons: I created her, I created this article, and I'm not getting paid much for either. But that's okay. Solid ground-breaking research like mine often goes unappreciated.

Spelladonna can't count. She can't spell, punctuate, or otherwise construct a cogent sentence. She says things that stop you dead in your tracks, and you think, "How does she manage to dress herself?"

She proofreads nothing. She has no concept of context, knows nothing of nuance. She can't distinguish between to, too and two, nor between their, there and they're. She is blissfully unburdened by the yoke of intelligence. Spelladonna thinks "scrod" is the past-tense of "screw."

Spelladonna would have to study to pass an eye exam.

Now for the bad news. The bitter truth. WE ARE ALL SPELLADONNA. We have all, at some time, committed her crime: not spell-checking our emails. Rushing without reviewing. Not proofreading prior to pushing that pitiless "Send" button.

As a result, missives from Spelladonna are sometimes confusing, rarely spell-checked, often rambling, potentially dangerous, and definitely funny. Over the years, I've collected (and, yes, committed) countless examples. Witness:

* It has come to my attention that I didn't grab your check out the out mail. I apology's for any incontinence.

* I see the problem. His name has a type o in it.

* Once this change is check and we fill speed has not been affect we may can release it.

* Please clean up your mess before walking away with your mess.

* I have a doctors apt. this morning. Should take long.

* This is a convent way to track if things have changed.

* I have a document I am going to attached with the what I found tomorrow.

* I'm a Single Mons of 2 great boys!

* This will be another item for the to keep us with.

* I am going to be asking the people who are asking for this to make sure I am hearing what you are hearing and not asking and will let you know what they are asking. O?

* If its not scheduled they they want see it.

* Is there a reason why the left side is over on the left?

* Seperate features was tested. So this once is complete.

* We've taught are kids this.

* This is because was 4-1.1 followed by 4-1.10 instead of 4-1.10 after 4-1.09 which would be numeric and the way it shows in saquential with 1 followed by 10.

* I counted 5 of them in three.

* If it don't retain the value their selected they not going to like it!

* This will keep germs down so we all say healthy. We should have any dirty in the sin.

* Can serve we coordinators do not have that options. Or is is?

* With your statement below it does elude to your previous not.

* [The speaker] is very god and will discuss the anthrax. He tells us what plans are in incase of another attack. What the responcibilyies of Firemen and healthcare personal.

* I did the account from scratch and "Walla"! It works!

* We only have 2 freezers and there's not enough room in there for each of you at one time.

* I dont know. Somebody scrod up on the first on.

* Looking forward to seeing everyone their!

* Correct me if I an wrong.

So slow down, America. Take that extra minute. Don't be Spelladonna. Emails are tough enough to read already. Proofread. Please.

Otherwise, we're all scrod.