Know Your Neighbors

Ms. Willow Caithnes is a neighbor who I came across one day while gardening in my backyard. A very meek and slender lady who was at first very quiet and shy but as it turned out she gave me her testimony of her life and was honored that I interviewed her to share her story to the with the world.

The way people see her is tall, skinny, a single mother, shy, vulnerable, weak, and quite unusual because of the goth style on wearing black and sports around dark shades of hair color listening to The Cure, Depeche Mode, Tones On Tail and other sorts of music. But as you get to know her a bit more she is clever, intelligent, and very spiritual in the ways of God and Christianity. She doesn't trust people anymore and she is only 28 years of age.

Willow Caithnes grew up with two older brothers and a mother, she never knew her father. Her mother was a single parent with no help in raising three children, so Willow watched her mother struggle to put food on the table, clean up after three kids, and worked hard to earn money. Willow and her family grew up in poverty. The clothing on their backs were either hand sewn by her mother or hand me downs from churches that gave free clothing to the poor.

Willows two oldest brothers are five and six years of age apart from her, so she really didn't have anyone to call a playmate sibling as she grew up. Her brothers were far more advanced in education and therefore Willow never really understood them when she was a child. She did more with her mother than with her brothers but always looked up to her older siblings as father figures while she grew up with them. Being the youngest and a female was very difficult for Willow. Her childhood with her brothers was a distant relationship.

Willow Caithnes and her family moved many times in her childhood until the moved to San Andreas California USA. Most of her younger days were in this small country town. Her most treasured Aunt lived right up the street from Willows family who moved into an apartment complex. All Willow would have to do is cross the cattle field and visit her Aunt Katrina. At the age of five Willow walked to school with the other children from the apartments, which today by no means would a child be able to do that now. Or Willow would go to her Aunts house while her mother was working.

One thing about growing up for Willow is that she had health problems since birth. No one ever told her and she never had the medical insurance to have it thoroughly checked out. So, her health left her weakened, fatigued, and constantly ill. Most of her school days were more of home study than anything else. When her mother went to work, Willow tagged along. By the time Willow was the age of 11, her mother severely injured her back and a new addition entered Willows family as a hellish nightmare.

Willow states today: "If it is one thing that us parents can learn from our children it is what they are feeling. When my mother told my brothers and I that she was getting married, I knew deep down in my soul that our family was going to be torn apart forever."

Because of her mothers back injury, she wasn't able to support the household with a part time job. Willows mother was making good a great income with a full time EMT job. (Emergency medical technician). After the back injury her mother reduced the income by 40% working in a flower shop. With all the college behind the EMT job, there was no way of getting on a supplemental income. The man Willows mother had dated for five years asked to marry her mother. Her mother accepted because she felt weak at the time.

Willow says: "My mother loves us and didn't want any of us children to go without. Losing the best job she had over a severe injury really put her in a vulnerable position. Money was a serious issue with two teenage boys who needed to quote and quote - fit - in with the crowd at school, where as I just wanted my dolls. I had no need to fit in, I was already an outcast. They played sports, needed new pants when the ones they had in their closets were faded, and new music cassettes so that when their friends stayed over they could be hip."

Willows new father and new addition to the family spoiled the boys the first five years of when her mother dated him. As soon as they were wedded, Willow watched her oldest brother leave the house they moved into.

Willow says: "My oldest brother, who is six years older than I and one year older than my other brother, left the house screaming and yelling at my mother. Three days before he left, he fried on LSD and watched a Pink Floyd video while babysitting me. I can still remember him glued to the large TV screen and giggling every now and again for no reason. I was scared and kept asking him if he was okay. I never touched a drug just been around them and to see my own brother who I looked up to for protection on them just freaked me out."

Willow was exposed to drug usage earlier when she was living in the apartments but now she was experiencing it within her own family. Being an outcast at school, she then make herself an outcast at home as well. During the first year of her mothers marriage, Willow was molested by her new father. It started out as innocent as a pat on the bottom and progressed into full blown nightly ritual. Her "step dad" then drove away the other brother causing Willow to feel abandoned by her only "father figures".

Willow states: "My other brother, who is five years older than I and one year younger than the oldest, wasn't much of a brother while growing up. I love him and I know that it must have been difficult to not be the youngest since I took that title in our family. But dagga, he didn't have to emotionally abuse me when I was being molested! Then on top of it all, he had to have known since he was in the room right next to mine. How can one not hear the screaming in the next room? Did his drug usage make him ignorant? I totally blame those drugs, not him."

Every time Willow would tell a relative or authority figure, they just shoved her aside as a liar. In order to "cope" with a mother who fell victim of medication slipped into her drinks and herself being vandalized, Willow turned to drugs and a bad crowd of friends. In order to feel safe, Willow studied the black craft of witchery.

"Never in my life" Willows says "would I ever return to witchery again. I had nightmares so bad that I stood on my bed in the middle of the night and screamed for God to save me. I was doing some heavy drugs at the time and being molested every night. I was down right scared for three whole years. I had to literally run away in order to come clean. I had blacked out my memory of being molested that I was starting to black out normal events in my life. This is when I started to seek professional help."

Willow Caithnes, in 1995 started to see a therapist. She continued to see a therapist as her mother got a divorce. For 3 years Willow, her mother, and the therapist tried to unlock the events of 8 years of molestation. Willow learned that her mother was in a drugged induced state of mind while her step dad molested her. There was no way of Willows mother ever knowing about the situation because of the drugs slipped into her drinks. Willows brothers denied what had happened.

"They think I am a perpetual liar" Willow says, "that anything I do or say today is off the wall and imagined. My brothers think I'm this paranoid crazy freak living off my mother. The sad fact is, they never stuck it out around here to know what happened. They ran away from problems where as my mother and I have been coping with it and it has been eight years ago. My mother and I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and it is no laughing matter, especially when you have other medical problems on top of that."

Willow Caithnes ended up homeless in 1998, due to not being able to keep a stable mind. "My grandmother and grandfather died of the Black Mold and doctors misdiagnosed them with a stroke and cancer. I was smart enough to take the substance growing in their bedrooms to a laboratory." She says, "None of my family but my mother listened to me about the Black Mold. They just called me crazy. That is okay today," Willow smiles, "I'm much more smarter than they all think. Anyways, I did lose control in 1998. I went manic because I couldn't take life anymore. From the age of 16 to 1998 I was always grieving my mother by running off to different states. What I didn't know was I am Agoraphobic. So the feeling that I was out of control was just that I was not being understood."

Willow hitch hiked across the states to New York, not once but twice in her life time. During her travels, she gained knowledge and wisdom from different aspects of just about every culture. "I wanted to know the meaning of life and death, why I felt so weak physically, and in hopes that my memory would open up to my childhood so that I could remember what my step dad actually did to me." Willow says. In the year of 2001, Willow Caithnes was raped. She was going to college and getting on her own two feet and ended up pregnant by the rapist. "It was a horrible experience, when will men learn that NO means NO. When a woman says no, it means just that."

Her pregnancy led to a fight to keep the baby growing in the womb to survive. She gave birth in 2002 to a beautiful little girl. Willow doesn't believe in killing a perfectly good human because of a bad situation. "My little girl didn't rape me, her father did. It wasn't her fault and I'm very glad I have her in my life today." Willow says. The man who raped Willow tried to kill her and the child 4 times during pregnancy and after birth. Willows agoraphobia kicked in strong, once again leaving her mother in disarray. Through the pregnancy though, Willow and her mother got close not just as friends but as mother and daughter again because Willow finally found out that she had Marfans Syndrome. "No wonder I was slower than those other kids in my childhood. I couldn't keep up with them because I was always feeling tired and weak." She adds.

Marfans Syndrome almost killed Willow and her daughter during birth. Willow stopped breathing and her heart stopped, her daughter came out blue. They both live and breath today. "I got as close to God as I could get while pregnant. I do believe that God saved our lives through faith and prayer." Willow says. "Doctors are always telling me that I have so many years to live now after giving birth. They even freak out when I get sick with the flu. I've been hospitalized a few times but I am still here, alive and well!"

Today, Ms. Willow Caithnes is aware of all her medical conditions. Her faith rests not in the hands of man, but in the arms of God and her love for her religion of Christianity. Willow helps her mother pay house payments, cleans, cooks, sews, and gardening chores. "My mother couldn't live without me and I without her. We are each others strength when one falls into depression or is sick. My mother is my only friend that I can actually rely on and in return I am hers. My brothers are gone, far away off into another state so no one else is going to take care of her but me and my daughter. We have a good strong balance of family values and Christianity here. I don't care what people think, I live with my mother because I care for her and love her very much. She helped me through my struggles and in return, I am helping her with her struggles."

Willow and her mother live contently and humbly in my neighborhood. Willow Caithnes keeps to herself and I am honored that she opened up to share her life with me and the world. "If I could give out one piece of advice to the world" she giggles, "it would be to change it with love and peace. I'm tired of the hatred out there." Willow might be young, a no one, and just another goth dresser; but to me she has lived a life that became something far more precious than any tale I have ever encountered. When I asked her what her goals are in life, she simply answered, "I just want to help those who have helped me. Maybe I'll open up a thrift store or a bookstore if I ever get rich."