Knowing when to Agree to Disagree

Have you ever dealt with someone who just didn't know when to shut up? She's made her opinion known, but she just won't leave you alone until you agree with her. She keeps saying she's going to end the conversation but follows you around trying to get in the last word. You have met the serial debater.

There is a difference between having a civil discussion with two people who have opposing views and one person trying to bully you into agreeing with her. As loveable as this person may be in other circumstances, there comes a time when you must be firm with a serial debater. Otherwise this person will stress you out and spoil your mood every single time you see her coming.

Tip One: When you hear a discussion with the serial debater start to get heated, immediately point out that you two may not be on the same page but you will agree to disagree. Saying you agree to disagree does not mean that person is right or you are wrong. It just means that you two are not going to be on the same page so leave the conversation peacefully.

Tip Two: If the serial debater still wants to get the last word, let her. But that doesn't mean you have to stand around waiting for her to talk until her mouth falls off. Excuse yourself from the conversation.

Tip Three: If the serial debater is one of those people who wants to follow you all over Chicago from Rogers Park to Brainerd Park to make sure she's heard, you're going to have to face her the hard way. Turn around, look her in the eye and ask her to please drop the conversation. You've already agreed to disagree. Avoid cursing at her, calling her names or being abusive. Being mentally or physically abusive will not stop the argument. As much as you may want to pull a Chris Rock and "shake the s--t out of her," she'll still be mad afterward. Shaking her will only start a new argument, and before you two know it, you're arguing about something that has absolutely nothing to do with the original topic of conversation.

Tip Four: Try walking away from the serial debater again. If the serial debater still won't leave you alone, it may be time to be more calm. Walk into a room, and close and lock the door. Get into your car and roll the windows up. (If it's one of Chicago's hot summer days, make sure to turn your air on.) Go somewhere that you have the opportunity to calm down. Do not drive off in anger. If you've seen "Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married Too?" you already know the type of danger you put yourself in by being distracted behind the wheel.

Tip Five: Breathe. Relax. Meditate. Go into a peaceful place. While the serial debater could possibly be right, once a person has nagged you to death or tried to force her views on you, you'll probably stop listening. She may have great points. You may be dead wrong. But unless you can hear what she's saying without becoming irritated, neither one of you will get anywhere with the conversation.

Tip Six: When you have calmed down, revisit the conversation. It may be easier to hope she forgets, but chances are this conversation will come up again. Arguments with no closure always do, and sometimes they come up at the most inappropriate times. Tell the serial debater that you will discuss the topic, but it must be calmly. Tell her if the conversation gets too heated again, you will not listen. You will leave again. If she complies, sit down and try again.

Tip Seven: If you still feel you are right and she is wrong, you both have a right to your opinion. Some people will choose to apologize even if they feel they aren't wrong just to keep the peace. While it's not recommended that you apologize for something when you truly believe in it, asking for peace on the subject and once again explaining that you two will agree to disagree should not be out of the question. But if you know you are wrong, do not avoid apologizing to her and fixing the situation. Be mature about the situation if you created the argument in the first place.

Tip Eight: Once you two have agreed to disagree or apologized, do not bring this topic up anymore. Fix whatever went wrong or leave it alone. You will only create more friction if you start round two. If this topic continues to create more friction, it may be time for you two to part ways.