Knowing the Art of Paying Attention to the Troubled

No man is an island. Everybody needs somebody to listen to him, comfort him, and assist him in life, and being that somebody that many people trust with their secrets and problems is more satisfying and rewarding than anything else.

The art of paying attention is not just about being with the troubled person physically, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, as well. It is not only hearing his words but actually listening to them. The four basic rules of paying attention include the following:

1. Learn to listen deeply. The art of paying attention involves stretching out your mind and heart and focusing on the other person with all the intensity and awareness that you can command. Focusing is not only about hearing the words the other person says, but feeling his emotions, as well.

2. Teach your ego to hold its breath for a while. All of us are self­-centered in our own little ways. Each of us is an actor who wants to impress an audience, trying to take the center of the stage. However, paying attention comes with setting our hungry ego aside and teaching it to stop striving for the spotlight for a while. Remember, during this time that somebody asks for your help and guidance, you are not the actor playing the lead role but the support guiding the lead actor play his part successfully.

3. Practice patience. Paying close attention is not a matter of offering snap judgments. Often, it requires wait­ing, listening, and standing by until the person you are pay­ing attention to works out his own salvation.

4. Be concerned. There's no use paying attention - or pretending to pay attention - to a person unless you honestly care about him and you are willing to share his pains and problems. Professional counselors must maintain an air of detachment and impersonality, but must also care. The troubled person must sense that care; otherwise, nothing can be accomplished. This ca­pacity to project concern lies at the heart of all deep and lasting human relationships, and the marvelous thing about it is that once the unhappy person feels that somebody cares about him, he is often able to be­gin caring more about others. Love liberates love; it is as direct and as miraculous as that. Attention can take as many forms as there are human needs. It can even be enforcement of discipline where discipline is lacking.

The golden coin of attention is to learn to pay it gracious­ly and gladly, and the dividends will come pouring back to you.