Knowing and Understanding Your Child

Parents usually dream of building a relationship with their children that will carry on long after they become adults. We all want to be close with our kids. It's only normal. It's not always easy. Some parents find themselves wondering what their kids are thinking. Teenage years in particular can bring on a sense of distance between parents and children.

Often parents will wonder how their children came to take on some of their opinions. They're at a loss as to why some of their children's ideas differ so greatly from their own. It happens to most parents at one point or another. Many of these feelings could be avoided if only building communication had been encouraged from birth on . Here are a few ways to stimulate discussion and open up to each other.

The Magic of Make Believe :
In my opinion , there's no greater way to get to know your child's mind than to play make believe with them. Imagination is one of our greatest gifts. Seeing and hearing the things your child imagines will allow you into the world of their minds. When you play make believe with your child, you're nurturing their imagination and encouraging them to dream. You'll get glimpses of what your child might want to be when he or she grows up. You may find out what places your child dreams of visiting. Even teenagers should be encouraged to talk about what they would do or be if there were no limits. Make believe can be played as soon as a child is able to talk. It's a wonderful game that can benefit both parent and child forever.

Sleep over Stories :
Some parents are against letting their children have friends spend the night. They dread the up all night noise and the mess in the kitchen. When children have their friends stay over it's the perfect time for a parent to get to know their child better. It's also a fantastic way to know their friends. A smart parent takes advantage of this opportunity. This is the perfect time to get the kids sitting in a circle for stories. The parent can even start out by telling one very short funny story about themselves. The idea is to encourage each child to tell their favorite funny story. Some will surely have bits about your own child and you might learn things that the children are doing that you never knew. Children do love to shock adults. So, don't go into story telling unprepared. Be ready to hear things that you'll want to discourage your child from. Never scold the kids for the tales they tell you. Build trust with all of them. Be honest about your opinions without sounding like you're preaching. The more often you can bite your lip and not give an opinion, the better. Laugh freely with your child about the stories told. If you keep your sense of humor about you , you may actually get to know your child.

Cruise chats :
The hardest yet possibly the most important time to know your child is when they reach driving age. This is the time in their life when pressures from friends are mounting. This is when you really do need to know what's going on in their minds. You'll want to know if they feel confident and in control of their life. Many teens feel more like a puppet on a string, following trends and friends to fit in. There's one very easy way for parents to maintain a time and space to talk with their teens. Almost all teens want to drive. They want it so bad that they'll agree to almost any negotiations parents make. I'd suggest making time every week for a cruise chat. It's easiest during the time when the child is driving on a permit. Parents should talk to their teens and explain that each time they go for a drive , it's to practice driving and also a time to talk. At this age a child can understand the need to practice communicating. Parents should explain that it's something people of all ages have to work at. As with all of these ideas , it's key for the parent to maintain a calmness. Knowing your teen is a true challenge. It can be achieved with persistence and understanding.

Almost Adult Activities :
When your child gets to college age staying in tune can be a real challenge. It's fully natural for a child to push away from parents once they reach eighteen. It's also one of the most important times for parents to stay active in maintaining the open relationship they've worked at for so long. This is a time when teens test their limits. It's also a very dangerous time for that very same reason. The only way parents can help their children through this period is to find common ground. A good way to get your almost adult child to stay open about their life is to join them in whatever activities you're able to tolerate. Keep the talking open by telling tales of your own from when you were the same age. Talk about the stupid things you did and regret. Talk about the stupid things you did that you'll never regret. Ask your kid if they have any regrets. Ask questions and more importantly, Listen.

There's no sure fire way to be a perfect parent. If there was, the book would be a best seller and we'd all have sore eyes from reading it. The best we can do is be good parents. In my mind, a good parent is one that knows and understand their child. A good parent does all they can to stay in touch with their kids so that they can help them and guide them as much as possible. A good parent talks . A really good parent listens and cares. And hey, give yourself a pat on the back. If you read this whole article you must really care about being close with your child.