L.A. Road Rules

Today I spent time on the road listening to Spanish talk radio. I figured I might as well try to learn something while I'm stuck in L.A. traffic (since I can't afford Rosetta Stone.)

After nearly nine years navigating L.A., I've also run out of things to keep my brain occupied on-the-road during mind-numbing commutes. Driving in L.A. is not an American Graffiti joy ride for anyone. The web of freeways is hard to configure, everything is horrendously spread out, and public transportation is generally not a convenient or realistic option.

Based on experience, I've come up with a list of L.A. Road Rules that may prove helpful-- especially if you just moved here:

L.A. ROAD RULES

1. Pedestrians have the right-of-way.
Those little blinking orange lights on the street (or subtle beeping noises you hear) along major streets mean something. I came close to hitting a pedestrian along Sunset Blvd. because I didn't know this (and I barely saw him in time.)

2. Out-of-state plates make you a sucker.
While waiting to turn right once, an impatient driver swerved around me and in full rage, yelled: "Go Back to Nebraska!" I was waiting for a pedestrian to cross the street--guess that makes me the dumb ass out-of-stater.

3. When changing lanes, flipping on your turn signal is no guarantee.
Waiting patiently and being polite will get you nowhere. In L.A., alert other drivers, see that you're safe to move, and start to force yourself into the other lane inch by inch until the car behind you has no other choice but to let you in.

4. Buckle up. It's the law.
If you see an LAPD cruiser at a stoplight on the one day you're not wearing your seatbelt, no quick move will save you-- that will be the day the officer will pull you over and give you the "shame on you/you should know better/scraping off the windshield" speech and a sizable ticket--in the neighborhood of $141 (!!)

5. Beware of Red Light Districts.
I'm not talking about prostitution, I'm talking about cameras hovering above major intersections to capture red light runners. You don't want to be that person getting a sketchy photo in the mail of your vehicle "beating the red" in the mail--along with a bill. People here do run red lights ALL THE TIME, regardless of the cameras. (See #6 below.)

6. When there's a Green Alert... Pause.
It's not a green light, it's a green alert. Give yourself 10-15 seconds before proceeding and be watchful. There are always two (sometimes three) oncoming cars that will run the red light when they most certainly should've stopped. I once had someone race through a solid red and slam into me. It wasn't pretty. If you don't want an accident to change the course of your day (or life), heed this warning--especially in L.A.

7. Don't rely on GPS. Sure, it's convenient--but don't get lazy. You should have a reasonable idea of where you're going before you step behind the wheel. Just because the computerized voice tells you to turn left at the next intersection doesn't mean you have to (or necessarily should.) If all else fails, shut off the GPS, pull over and throw open your old Thomas Bros. Guide. I know it's the digital age and all, but a hard copy of an old Thomas Bros. guide will never fail you.

8. There is no good time for the 405 Freeway.
Period. It sucks. Luckily I don't drive on it often--nor should you--unless you must. In that case, I pity you with every fiber of my being.

9. No one knows how to drive in the rain.
It's a well known fact. Give us some snow like the rest of the nation and the whole city would shut down.

10. Be careful out there. It's California.
You will eventually have an accident, even if you've always had a perfect driving record prior to being here (as I did.) That accident will come on a day when you least expect it and it will come on the most inconvenient day imaginable. There are drivers who are: high, wasted, uninsured or unlicensed, texting while driving, on their phones, doing crossword puzzles or reading. Look around you and honest to God, you'll see it. People are crazy. You are sharing the road with them. Be prepared for that.

Useful Links:
Thomas Brothers Maps And Guides
Sigalert Greater Los Angeles