Latch Key Kids, a Key to Independence

My older children spent time as latch key kids for several years. I often felt they were cheated of my time and had to mature at a faster rate then many other children their age. But we all managed to survive the experience.

I'd grown up as the oldest of a large family, with a mother that I remember being home for most of our lives. There was a short time I can recall her working, but Grandma was around to keep us in line.

It was a time when divorce was not as common as it nowadays, but becoming more favored than sticking things out in a bad situation, usually infidelity or domestic abuse.

Things did not work out in my first marriage. Prince Charming on a horse marrying Cinderella turned out to be two immature high school kids who jumped into marriage soon after Graduation. Not that it was all a bad time, I came away from the relationship with two beautiful, intelligent, sensitive and self-sufficient children. They've both taken a lot of my learning experiences with them into their adult lives. It seems like those experiences have helped them more than harmed them, at least I hope it has. At the time is was questionable, but I've grown from it.

I remarried within the year and we moved away from immediate family to an area where we did not have many child care resources. In fact we were lucky enough to have been able to sort of take the kids to work with us. We had a conversion van that had sleeping quarters and a unique check-in system. Things were still pretty strict for them. Merging the family was a little rough at times. (Ok. a lot rough)

They were in grade school and we worked shift work at a small town government agency. If our shifts overlapped or were the same, the kids came with us and were able to play in the park that was behind the complex, checking in very often. Supper was micro waved and eaten in the lobby after the other offices were closed. Homework was often done in the same place. If we were still working at their bedtime, then the van was moved closer to the front entrance, where it could be observed and one of us could usually try to get them settled in. Thank God they were very adaptable, I guess they had to be.

Our son is the oldest by two and a half years, but our daughter is no less head-strong or determined as he was, and still is. There were battles. More than we knew of at the time. If you have siblings, I'm sure you know what I mean. But all in all the arrangement worked, and for the most part we could trust them not to try to kill or maim each other too often. In fact, to listen to them now, they had some real good times together, that brought them closer then a lot of siblings are in this day and age.

Later after moving again, when they were older and in Middle school, we implemented latch key methods. The telephone was a wonderful tool and a must have. Baby sitters and funds were scarce, family was several miles away, and occupied, so our children would walk home semi-together and then call to let me know they made it safely. For the most part they were responsible and didn't have to call for refereeing too often. Just two or three times a shift when I worked opposite my husband. He had already adopted them, with their approval and worked a straight day job. As sometimes happens, his work hours were a little later than their school hours, but they did not have to be alone for very long. He was home from work and starting supper before 6pm, and was always off on Sundays at that time. Thank God he was and is an excellent cook!

After several years, including some teen and preteen ones we had another child, and the year before our daughter graduated we moved again. Needless to say, that also was a hard time. Our oldest son was recently out on his own and attending college, he stayed in the area. Our youngest son was happy to comply with the move, but our daughter was bitter and had a very hard time of it. She's made it through the hard times with flying colors after moving out on her own and surviving a few rough years. She's a very strong person.

Once again we were back to the beginning with a child in school and conflicting schedules. Things worked out with the help of new found friends. He did not often have to come home from school without a parent present until middle school. When he did, he followed the same check in system the older children had.

Since he rode a bus home, the time alone was less than it had been for the others. Normally he didn't have to be alone for more than an hour or so. He has turned into a very self-sufficient, independent and strong willed, young man, some call it stubborn.

All in all I believe the latch key experience was helpful in assisting our children to become the strong and assertive people they are today. They had to take on responsibility out of necessity and became reliable adults that are not afraid to make decisions or take on a challenge. I wish I could have been there for them more in the formative years, but we all learned to use our time together for quality if not quantity.

The thing I regret the most was and still is, is not being able to always celebrate Holidays and birthdays with them all of the time. We manage to adjust and make the most of the time we do have together. Because of these issues, I believe we are actually closer than a lot of other families we know. We also know that no matter where we are or what problems we may encounter, we will, all of us, be there for each other whenever necessary.

I've come to believe being a "Latch Key Kid" is not an awful thing for a child. If you have a good support system in place, it can be a step to pointing your child in the right direction to becoming an independent and responsible person. One who is not afraid to face challenges, live their own life and make their own choices.