Late for Work!

My hair was all in curlers.
My bedroom was a sight!
I glanced at the alarm clock
And froze in sudden fright!

It was quarter to eleven,
And I was late for work!
I hadn't set the dumb alarm.
I felt like such a jerk!

I sprinted to the kitchen,
Shoved some Twinkies in my mouth,
Looked down and promptly realized
That my breasts were headed south!

I ran back in and got my bra and other clothes together,
Looked outside, and saw a major challenge in the weather!
For it was raining cats and dogs, and slickening the street.
Now, braving THAT in high heel shoes
Would make my day complete!

I grabbed my old umbrella,
And then, with purse in arm,
I opened up the door and tripped
The burglar alarm!

I turned it off and grabbed my things.
When would this hassle stop?
I turned around and saw
A jelly-donut eating cop!

"A-ha! I caught you, scum!" he said.
"Now come with me, or else you're dead!
I caught you stealing women's clothes,
Right down to the pantyhose!

I chewed him up and spit him out.
"I OWN this stupid house!"
He turned around and walked away,
As quiet as a mouse.

The sun came out, and I felt pretty good there for awhile.
In fact, I do believe, I almost got myself to smile!

I hopped into my car and started slowly down the road.
The engine started croaking like a love-sick horny toad!
It screamed and smoked and sputtered.
It groaned and lurched and cried.
It slowly reached my office parking space,
And finally died.

I cautiously stepped out and started walking cross the lot.
I promptly stepped in chewing gum the sun had made real hot!
It was green and soft and stringy,
And it made a squishy sound.
I could have choked the idiot
Who'd left it on the ground!

My officemates all giggled as I slumped into my chair,
And THAT'S when I remembered 'bout the curlers in my hair!

And that was not the ONLY thing.
I realized with dismay
That yesterday was FRIDAY.
I don't WORK on Saturday!