"Laughter" Files Lawsuit Against Dane Cook

Unique and astonishing news is rocking the Entertainment world today, as funny man Dane Cook has been sued by the intangible. It seems the non-corporeal natural human reaction to humor or amusing situations has taken offense to Mr. Cook's brand of "comedy". Sources close to the litigation, speaking on condition of anonymity, have told us that Laughter is suing Dane Cook on the grounds of inducing it under false pretenses and are seeking a cease and desist. Laughter claims that Mr. Cook "...misrepresents himself as a comic. Rather than delivering a message whose ingenuity, verbal skill or incongruity has the power to evoke spontaneous audible felicitous emotion (laughter); Mr. Cook simply relates the embellished details of overly elaborate personal stories in an excited or boisterous tone accompanied by belligerent movements. This aggressive tactic browbeats listeners into finding him, and his most likely fictitious stories, comical. We find he unfairly induces our cheerful effects. "

This is not the first time Laughter has attempted legal action against a person, place, state of mind, intellectual property, idea, event or situation. Laughter has filed lawsuits against Chris Kattan, the last decade of the Simpsons, the Winter Olympic sport Curling, Jim Morrison's poetry, the Washington Monument (the infamous "Phallus in the Palace" trial), Mick Jagger's stage strutting routine (a suit which retroactively sued Chuck Berry for inventing the "Duck Walk"), Ben Franklin's sex life and finally William Shatner, who has been sued more times individually than any other entities combined.

Many of those cases were deemed frivolous and never made it to trial, though Mr. Shatner had a couple of close calls. This case is different in that high profile personalities are backing the suit. In the past the public have found it difficult to comprehend the abstract idea of an emotive state suing a human being. Now, Laughter has a face. The exhumed corpses of Richard Pryor and Lenny Bruce are set to represent Laughter in court. It is believed that the flawless comedic reputations of those two are going to carry the case. Though they won't be able to speak or litigate or provide any tangible help, Laughter is banking on Mr. Pryor and Mr. Bruce having the same effect on the jury that Frankie Five Angel's brother had on him during the Corleone Trial in The Godfather, Part Two.

Spokespeople for the estates of Oscar Wilde, Groucho Marx, and Woody Allen have all come out in vehement support of the suit. Speaking on behalf of CMG Worldwide, proprietors of the Wilde estate, lawyer Ken Phuni says, "For far too long Mr. Cook has been masquerading as an entertainer. He and his body of work are a blight on wit intelligence. I would go so far as to say his celebrity and fame in this medium devalues the life's work of many of history's brightest humorists. " Phuni added, "He sucks."

Dane Cook himself remains flabbergasted by the absurdity of the situation. "I'm being sued by something YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE being represented by TWO THINGS THAT ARE DEAD" Mr. Cook was heard to remark in trademark style when asked recently about his pending court case. "It is CRAZY. There is INSANITY in or around the area of this lawsuit. If this lawsuit was a person I would be stabbing it in the jaw!"

It remains to be seen how this suit will fare in court. In a very candid statement Laughter maintains they have, "mountains of evidence proving Dane Cook to be nothing more than a loud babbling idiot." Strong words from an indefinable source, Laughter is also reportedly seeking high priced living representation to augment the persuasive power of their so-called "Corpse Cred" duo. "Dead bodies can't win you a cease and desist order alone", says Hilary Tee, one of the potential litigators being courted by Laughter. "I feel this suit will set a wonderful precedent for the future. No longer will good honest entertainers like Steve Allen and Charles Barkley be lumped in with trash like Dane Cook. A suit like this would create appropriate legal standards to help maintain a high level of quality in the Entertainment industry. A decision in favor of my potential clients might change the landscape of all forms of entertainment."

Ms. Tee's assertions might not be far off the mark. Rumor has it that Surprise, Shock and Satisfaction are launching a Mega-Lawsuit against M. Night Shamylan for his increasingly less revelatory and enjoyable twist endings. Industry insiders are saying this suit may hold up the release of The Happening, Mr. Shamylan's latest foray into trickery and metaphor.

One has to marvel at the Pandora's box that would be opened should Mr. Cook be ordered to cut it out.