Laura's House Teaches Teens that Abuse is Not Okay

The alleged beating of pop singer Rihanna by boyfriend Chris Brown made domestic violence a subject of instant attention to teens.

But making teens aware of the difference between a safe, loving relationship and one that is abusive has been an ongoing effort by organizations in Orange County that work to prevent domestic violence.

The HEART program at Laura's House was developed to teach teens about abusive relationships and what to do to protect themselves.

HEART stands for Healthy Emotions and Attitudes in Relationships for Teens. Marissa Presley, prevention education specialist for Laura's House, visits schools, houses of worship, and boys and girls clubs to reach teens.

"The unfortunate abuse that Rihanna endured has refocused attention on the issue of dating violence," Presley said. "Laura's House is addressing this sensitive subject through the HEART program."

Presley, along with two young women whose lives have been changed by the HEART program, spoke with the Register about dating violence. The young women asked that only their first names, Yarely and Resham, be used.

Q. What made you decide to take the class? How has it helped you change?

Resham: For me, I wanted to become a volunteer and Laura's House caught my attention. I met Marissa and talked to her at great length about what I was going through. It was important to my recovery.

Once I realized that my relationships with boys resembled my mom's relationship with my dad, I wanted to do what I could to stop others from the pain I've known. Talking about what was going on and learning about abuse legitimized my feelings.

I realized it wasn't "why I put up with it" - that puts the blame on me - but "what was wrong with him?" Why was he treating me like this? Abuse has to do with the men. I'm stronger now. I was needy; now I'm a survivor. I want to share my experiences with others to help them before the violence occurs.

Yarely: My best friend told me about HEART and told me to go. I realized that I allowed boys to treat me badly because I didn't want to be alone. If I hadn't taken the class I'd probably still be with a bad guy. I wouldn't have thought twice about it then. I took the program a year ago. I've got my self-esteem back. I'm not afraid to be by myself. It's been four months since I've had a boyfriend and I feel good. Being by myself makes me feel strong and in control.

Q. What do you hope teenagers get out of this program?

Presley: Last year we managed to speak to over 14,000 students. It's my hope that they walk out of the class with a renewed sense of self-confidence and the realization that they do not deserve to be treated in any way except with trust and kindness. Many of the kids who attend the seminar don't even realize that these behaviors are wrong and dangerous because they live in an abusive situation and think what they're experiencing is normal.

The most important thing we can do is educate the kids to know what the three cycles of violence are: Stage 1, tension building, where you feel as if you're "walking on eggshells." Stage 2 is the violent stage. Stage 3 is the honeymoon or make-up time.

We also need to let them know where to get counseling, support and any other help they might find themselves needing.

Q. What do you hope the workshop is most successful in accomplishing?

Presley: That it helps all the teens who take it to recognize the red flags that are there in the beginning stages of a relationship.