Lawrence Taylor, Idiot

It's hard to imagine that they come bigger and dumber than Lawrence Taylor, until one spies JaMarcus Russell slinking out of Oakland with a sackful of Al Davis' cash.

Still, all Russell is accused of is being lethargy addicted, and/or too stupid to lay off the cheeseburgers for the sake of multiple millions of dollars. Lawrence Taylor, ever the game-changer, is threatening to redefine stupid forever.

First off, why a prostitute?

Are you trying to tell me that a man of Lawrence Taylor's stature couldn't go to some dive, be recognized, and get his groove on with a local barfly for free? Seems to me that, if hygiene ain't an issue, money spent on drinks shouldn't be...

Second, why this particular prostitute?

Maybe I've watched too many episodes of "Law & Order: SVU," but the, ah, "call girls" (thanks, Alabama) that I've seen in film and on t.v. look just like the kind of women I would have absolutely no chance with, barring their choice of occupation, of course.

From everything that has come out in the media, I can't imagine that there was anything about the victim that screamed "working professional."

Nothing alerted him that something might have been amiss here? Not, perhaps, the way she was shoved into the room, or the way she likely flinched when things got serious?

Common sense may not be common, but it is hard to ignore in cases like this. There is too much of "what actually happened" to explain away the "why." For example, it's pretty much a foregone conclusion that LT had sex with the victim; he even said so himself, claiming that he thought she was 19.

Yep, that oughtta get him off the hook...

The old "she looked legal" argument hasn't worked for anyone in history, but there Taylor was, spouting off in public and utterly ruining any chance that his defense ever had in this case.

(Note to future felons, not that you'll listen: when accused of something heinous, shut what your parents called "the hell up." Let your lawyer do all of your talking publicly and privately. It's far better to look guilty and walk away to "find the real killers, er, rapists" on the public golf courses of America than to open your stupid yap and confirm everyone's opinion of you, all the way to Cell Block D. But I digress...)

Thus, at the risk of making sense, I will attempt to lay out what really happened.

Lawrence Taylor didn't care to invest the time into talking a woman into consensual sex. He wanted what he wanted right then, and a phone call to a pimp was much easier than chatting up a new temporary friend for an hour or two. When the girl arrived, she wasn't anything more than an object to him. He'd paid for service, and services would damn well be rendered.

How old was she? Did that really matter to him at that particular moment?

Better yet, what would have changed if he'd not been caught, accused, and facing years in prison?

Nothing.

He'd have done it again, and again.

This is who Lawrence Taylor really is.

It is sadly ironic that the man who spent his entire career knocking quarterbacks out of their minds has now knocked a quarterback off of everyone's Most Despised Right Now list.