Laws that Help Children, Hurt Them Instead
Outcast by Proxy
The word outcast is ringing in my head as I try to absorb the news coverage of the new sex offender law that is ubiquitous on my TV and in the newspapers. Everyday it seems that a new law is being passed in a new child's name, a law d'jour if you will. There is Megan's law, Jacob's law, Jessica's law and now Adams law. What about a law that protects the hundreds of thousands of children of registered sex offenders? These children are being ostracized in the name of one child. Where is the law for those children? We are guaranteeing two generations of outcasts. The 600,000 registered sex offenders, (which is growing every day); they're loved ones and their children. How do I know what it is like to be on this registry? I am the wife of a registered sex offender. I am an outcast by proxy. Believe me, these registries DO constitute cruel and unusual punishment, I am living it.
There have been 39 murders of offenders on the registry as of this writing. There have been homes set on fire, pets poisoned, children bullied, offenders and their families forced to move from their homes. People are losing jobs and can't provide the basic needs of their families. My only crime is aggressively addressing the molestation of my child and working through it as a family. How dare society tell me that I cannot help my child confront her offender and let us move on with our lives in private.
Let me ask you a question; is it possible that our schools are a mirror image of our society? Have we all forgotten Columbine? The outcasts striking out against the apathetic general population? We as a society are condoning the ultimate scarlet letter to quite a significant number of the populations. Just think about the repercussions.
There has to be a more humane way to assimilate these data banks than to humiliate people and their families. This is by far the cruelest most inhumane way to deal with people who have already paid their debt to society. Not every sex offender is the same. This cookie cutter approach is not the answer. Is the offender a true predator who is high risk and needs to be monitored very, very closely or just some one, who made a mistake, received intense counseling and has not re-offended. As it stands now it does not matter. There needs to be a panel of experts that evaluate the risk to the community before an offender is placed on the public registry. Every victim and every offender is different. I believe that the police need to keep a separate registry of all offenders that is not made public on the Internet. Have we gone back to Puritan times when the punishment was to get stoned in the village square?
What does work to keep our children safe? EDUCATION!!! We need to empower our children. There are definite tools you can arm your children with that truly make a difference. Demand programs in our schools that deal with child assault prevention. TALK to your children on this subject. Shining a spotlight on the "bad people" is going to give a false sense of security to the parents of this country. The "STATE" cannot be your babysitter. The real crime is not dealing with your issues or worse yet making it impossible for either victim or offender to get help without tearing the family apart at the seams. Will mothers be willing to get help for their children if she knows it is a virtual death sentence for her spouse or sibling? What could possibly be worse than the dual betrayal of the child?
I am so scared for my child. Not because of people like my husband who has grown so much as a person, but because our politicians are creating a false sense of security at the same time we are creating a whole new class of outcasts.
Published by Linda
I am a child avocate, an adult survivor of child sexual abuse, mother of a survivor. I have studied this issue, (sexual abuse,offenders) from every angle for about 10 years now. Woman's and children's issues... View profile
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41 Comments
Post a CommentThe more you say you didn't do it the worse it gets, you get someone just like you pointing their finger saying, YOU MUST BE LYING, I don't know you, don't know how the system really is, but have issues with this mainly because some one touched me in my past. Well if the system is correct as you say, because you were sexually abused, your life is ruined, you can't be having a normal life now, you will never be normal. You are at a high risk to sexually offend due to you being molested and guess what? Soon the victims will be on a list! Most of the people that have been accused of this were molested themselves and many, especially the kids, thought it was a normal thing to do, it is all they knew. Therapists won't help these kids due to this and all roads lead to prison. Those are the laws you support. By the way, I accidentally hit the down arrow and gave myself a negative one! The poor kids of the US have people like you looking out for them! OH GOD! That is scarey! If the
Take responsiblity? You have no idea of what you are talking about. Skeletons in your closet? You are a sex offender if you have had sex in your car with anyone under 18 even if you were under 18! That person can come to you NOW even if it was 50 years ago, say you abused them, you know it was consensual, POOF you are a sex offender, you have NO defense! If you have went camping and peed in the woods, a kid sees you in spite of your best efforts to be private, the kid runs to his/her mom and says, that man/woman was over there with their pants down and I saw them, you would have to say you did it on purpose, no one would believe you either, sex offenders are liars remember! Keep painting yourself in a corner! You will see
As far as your comment about saying the person that say he is falsly accused is a liar, you are the exact person that will be affected the most by these laws. How you say? Well, it is SO easy to get on this list and the laws are twisted and words are twisted in a way that it does make a person appear to be lying. For example, a 12 year old in TX, no evidence, only hearsay which is allowed in sex offense cases, their attorney said that he felt the jury would go against her son and did everything but get on his knees to beg them to take a plea. The plea that they offer are loaded with lies and LOOP HOLES. Laws are passed that later affect you and your plea deal. They want the plea deals due to no evidence to convict and most that have these charges have no prior experience with the law, trust the system and feel they have a chance with the plea deal and told that even if they are innocent that the judges will not decide against someone saying they have been sexually abused that it i
I totally agree, ANY "registry" is just plain wrong. The Nazi's used them, and they banished millions of jewish people who did not deserve any of the pain, suffering and death they were forced to succumb to.
People who say "but it's for the children" is just trying to scare the hell out of the public, and guess what, it's working. Just look at all the hateful things MANY people who are uneducated are saying, like "LET'S HANG EM ALL", "THEY SHOULD ALL REPORT TO THEIR LOCAL POLICE DEPARTMENT AND CHECK IN". These people are very uneducated, hopefully they will read all these replies, and DO SOME RESEARCH before ranting off more hate-filled-talk.
I am all for punishing predators and pedophiles, but, while they are in jail or prison, they need to be getting professional help. People can change, you just have to give them the tools to help them change. If you just lock them up for years, and then let them out, they are just going to be worse than when they originally w
here are more links for information; www,csom.org www.sohopeful.org http://sosnet.bravehost.com/index.htm http://www.restorativejustice.org/editions/2006/july06/restore
www.stopitnow.org www.operationawareness.com
Now we get a sales pitch from another organization trying to claw it's way past SOSEN to get to the top. Didn't someone here mention that sex offenders are used in the same way by politicians? If I were looking for such a group I would go with SOSEN. The previous post left a bad taste in my mouth and a question about their motives.
Very good and as Timothy said-brave-article...As you can see from the level of ignorant hate brought out from many who have commented. And for the record, I am not the "jeff" that someone has been using to drop hate comments...thank you for the article. That we punish with these "lists" that have really done nothing wrong and through them in with sexual predators is idiotic, and patently unfair.
It seems to me what really matters, for all of us, is that if a person is judged and sentenced by his peers...then his crime should be seen with the severity it had at that time. It is not right to have a person fulfill all the obligations his society put on him and have his freedom overthrown twenty or thirty years later. It is not right for a person to show great effort to prove himself responsible...and then be told it doesn't matter. That is a TERRIBLE message to give to our children and grandchildren; we are, in effect saying, a whole new generation can be born down the road that thinks differently and change your legal sentence to a lifetime of humiliation, you and your family can lose your home, your jobs, every thing you have worked for, without recourse.
Registration is NOT for public safety. Every state that implemented a registry got an initial 25 million $. The checks just keep coming and the size depends on the # of registrants. You will find people who have moved, been deported, are locked away in prison and even deceased. We put kids as young as 10 years of age on the registry because they are as valuable as adults. And six year olds bring the same price. If that does not scare anyone, it really should.
Reply to last post- Are mothers protectors? Over 600 children are murdered each year by mothers who cut their arms off, beat them in the head with stones, drown them, behead a 4 year old with hedge clippers. No sex. No outrage.
You use no name so I have no way of knowing what you consider humane and civilized. You have a right to be angry at those who abuse your loved ones.You also have a right in making a decision as to how it is handled. My loved one is not your loved one so what gives you the right to decide what happens within my own family or circle of aquaintances?