Lawsuit Abuse: Living in a Sue-Happy Nation

Self-indulgence and greed have swept through our nation at lightning speed over the last few decades, making frivolous lawsuits a part of our growing compensation culture that promotes the idea that individuals deserve outrageously large settlements for sometimes ridiculous injuries inflicted upon them, often times from their own actions.

People everywhere are coming out of the woodwork to join in the feeding frenzy of draining corporations and small businesses out of every last cent, making it more economical for large and small businesses to simply grant out-of-court settlements rather then fight frivolous lawsuits in a long, costly court battle that could take years to solve, and millions of dollars.

Lawsuit abuse hurts everyone by increasing the amount of money companies need to spend on legal support, resulting in hefty price increases of the products we need for everyday living. They also bog down the already-overwhelmed legal system and prevent legitimate cases from being addressed promptly.

It would be a nice turn of events to see a nation work things out the old fashioned way, but honesty and integrity are becoming a thing of the past, lost somewhere in a pile of greed resulting in too many people abusing the system designed to protect us, leading to sue happy people who cannot be trusted to self-regulate and refrain from filing lawsuits lacking in substance, therefore securing a cycle that has inevitably ruined it for the people who have legitimate cases.

Some Real Cases of Lawsuit Abuse:

The 65 Million Dollar Pants:
Judge Roy Pearson is currently suing a family run dry cleaner for $65 million over a pair of suit pants that the dry cleaners lost, but found a short time later. His refusal of the pants once they were located comes from two signs posted at the business that reads ""Satisfaction Guaranteed" and "Same Day Service." The owners attempted an out of court settlement, but Pearson refused, and decided to sue for a gross amount because he feels that his consumer rights were violated, and that he is being forced to rent a vehicle so that he can use another dry cleaners that is not within walking distance of his apartment.

The Diehard Beer Drinker:
Richard Overton sued Anheuser-Busch for $10,000. He claimed to have suffered emotional distress, mental injury, and financial loss because drinking beer did not make his fantasies of beautiful women in tropical settings come to life, as he claimed it had advertised, driving him to buy and drink more Bud Light. The case was dismissed.

When All Else Fails, Sue Yourself:
Robert Lee Brock sued himself for $5 million. He claimed that he had violated his own civil rights and religious beliefs by allowing himself to get drunk and commit crimes which landed him in the Indian Creek Correctional Center in Virginia, serving a 23 year sentence for grand larceny and breaking and entering. What could he possibly have to gain by suing himself? Since being in prison prevented him from having an income, he expected the state to pay. This case was thrown out.

Scared to Death:
Cleanthi Peters sued Universal Studios for $15,000. She claimed to have suffered extreme fear, mental anguish, and emotional distress due to visiting Universal Studios' Halloween Horror Nights haunted house, which she said was too scary.

It's Your Fault that I am a Rapist:
Edward Brewer sued Providence Hospital for $2 million. He claimed that the hospital was negligent because it had not prevented him from raping one of its patients. The judge ruled that any damage Brewer suffered due to his crime was his responsibility for choosing to commit the crime, and that the hospital had no legal duty to protect him from that choice.

Road Rage:
Andrew Burnett sued Sara McBurnett and the San Jose Mercury News, claiming they had caused him to suffer mental anguish and post traumatic stress disorder. Burnett filed the lawsuit while serving a three-year sentence for killing defendant McBurnett's dog in a road rage incident, claiming that the incident had caused his suffering. The case was thrown out.

Fear Factor:
Austin Aitken sued NBC for $2.5 million. He claimed that an episode of "Fear Factor" caused him "suffering, injury, and great pain." He said that watching the contestants eat rats on television made him dizzy and light-headed, causing him to vomit and run into a doorway. He judge said the case was frivolous and threw it out.

I Look Like a Star, but I am Not:
Allen Heckard sued Michael Jordan and Nike founder Phil Knight for $832 million. He claimed to suffer defamation, permanent injury, and emotional pain and suffering because people often mistook him for the basketball star. Heckard dropped the lawsuit later that year.

Child Support for Sperm Donation:
Igor Lehnberg, a Swedish man who was friends with a lesbian couple, wanted to help the ladies have children so he donated sperm for artificial insemination and soon the women had three kids. After breaking up with her significant other, however, the mother of the children filed a lawsuit against Lehnberg for child support, and won. In early 2002, the Swedish court ruled that the man was undeniably the biological father and was therefore condemned to pay a monthly allowance of approximately $280.00.

Coke Machine Murders Soda Thief:
While apparently trying to steal a soft drink from a vending machine, 19-year-old Kevin Mackle started rocking it like a wild man. Suddenly, the weight shift was too much to handle and the machine fell on him. He died following the accident, resulting in his relatives suing Coca-Cola Co., and two other companies, including Bishop's University in Lennoxville, Quebec for about $660,000 in damages and funeral costs. They alleged that the machine was not secured and lacked in warning signs.

Boob Abuse:
Paul Shimkonis, a physical therapist from Florida, learned that bachelor parties can be hazardous to your health. During his own bachelor party, he got whiplash while getting a lap dance from stripper "Tawny Peaks" who proudly owns a 69-HH chest. The 38-year-old claims that she assaulted him with her breasts, slamming them on his head and almost knocking him out. He said it felt like cement blocks had hit him, and claims that he suffered bodily injury and mental anguish, among other complaints. Still in pain, he sued the topless club, Bloopers (a.k.a. Diamond Doll's) for $15,000, on TV's, The People's Court. Judge Koch ruled that the man was not injured by the dancer, and dismissed the case.

Sex Life Non-Existent After Being Ass-Ended:
A 27-year-old man from Michigan was involved in a rear-end collision. Four years later, he sued the owners of the truck that was responsible for the accident. Having suffered minor injuries, he stated that from then on, his sexual relationship with his wife deteriorated, as he was unable to maintain their sex life. He claimed that he had been so affected by the crash that his personality had been forever changed. In fact, he maintained that the accident turned him into a homosexual. He left his wife, moved in with his parents, began hanging out in gay bars, and became a fervent reader of gay literature. He won his case and was awarded $200,000, while his wife received $25,000.

A Big Problem with Marriage:
A lawyer from Ohio filed a lawsuit against Delta Air Lines claiming that he suffered embarrassment, severe discomfort, mental anguish and severe emotional distress from having to sit next to a passenger so overweight that they were "figuratively married from the right kneecap to the shoulder" for the duration of the flight. The plaintiff alleged that the airline breached its contract to provide him with a full seat. He was seeking unspecified damages but was open to a settlement.

You are Writing About Me:
Ursula Auburn claims that she had romantic encounters with Charlie Sheen between 1992 and 1998, and alleges that the "wacky neighbor and female stalker, Rose" on Two and a Half Men is based on her. Several of the events involving Rose and Sheen's character on the show mirror incidents that occurred between Auburn and Sheen and moreover, the character Rose herself clearly appears to be based on Auburn. She sought more than $1 million for invasion of privacy, negligence, intentional infliction of emotional distress, negligent infliction of emotional distress, humiliation, embarrassment, chagrin, mortification, and immeasurable grief.

Too Much Booty:
Meredith Berkman sought $50 million in one of the first anti-fat lawsuits against the manufacturer of a snack food named Pirate's Booty. In December, 2001, the Good Housekeeping Institute tested Pirate's Booty, which is basically flavored puffed rice, and found that it contained 147 calories and 8.5 grams of fat, while its label said it contained only 120 calories and 2.5 grams of fat. The manufacturer, Robert's American Gourmet Foods, a subsidiary of Keystone Foods, blamed the problem on a change in its manufacturing process and immediately recalled the product from store shelves. Nearly four months after the recall, Berkman filed a $50 million class-action lawsuit against Robert's Foods, claiming emotional distress, weight gain, mental anguish, outrage and indignation. The complaint represented all consumers who ruined their diets and had to spend more time at the gym because they ate mislabeled Pirate's Booty.