"Lazy" Versus "Efficient"

There are two types of lazy in the world: (1) physical lazy, and (2) mental lazy. As most of you already know, I consider mental laziness to be completely inexcusable -- but supreme physical laziness is something I aspire to each and every day.

I rejoiced at the invention of the remote control, and I lauded the arrival of fully-cooked bacon, but it is a constant struggle to be forced to live in a world with so much available technology and yet we still have to get up and do things constantly. What's with that?

Every morning when the alarm goes off, I wonder why I can't just step into my own ultra-sonic shower like the Jetson's had -- where I am instantly showered and de-odored and my clothes are changed and my hair is perfectly coiffed. And as I'm driving to work, I'm frustrated that I can't just beam there instantaneously like in Star Trek.

This is the way the world should work and how it should be, so it makes me angry that it's taking so long to get there. The current way in which we are forced to live in this "modern" society is just appalling. Whenever I even think about having to lug down my laundry and put it in the washing machine and then wait for it to wash and then take it out and transfer it to the dryer and then wait for it and then I have to take it out and fold it, too! Not to mention the time it takes to load up the dishwasher and put in the detergent and wait for it to wash and dry and then unload it... Oh I'm tired just thinking about all that work. Just think of how much extra sleep I could get if technology were up-to-speed!

In light of recent expensive stimulus packages and bank bail-outs allowing CEOs to take their much-needed vacations with their well-deserved bonuses via company jet, it seems to me more money needs to be earmarked for technology research on improving our ability to do much, much less.

The way I see it, if I could sleep more, I'd be more productive at work. Being more productive at work would increase company performance, which would allow for increased profits, which would allow me to get a raise, which would then stimulate the economy when I go out to buy new pajamas so I can sleep comfortably and in style. It's a win-win!

But let's come back to what I originally came here to say: I love being lazy, and I love hearing about other lazy people.

The other day I had my lovely friend and co-worker, Julie, drive me to my car because it was all the way in the back parking lot. If you want to get technical, I call this "efficient," not "lazy" since she was already going in that direction. I'm obviously still a work-in-progress, with a long way to go to earn the true title of "lazy."

Julie offered up a suggestion of her own (she's so helpful!) by regaling me with the story of someone she knew who figured out how to hook up her trashcans to the back of her truck so that she could drive them down to the end of the driveway so she wouldn't have to walk them the 20-30 feet. Again, this is "efficiency," not "laziness." What a role model for the rest of us!

I'm looking for more suggestions on how to improve my laziness. If you've found some great ways to accomplish more while doing less, please share. If I'm not feeling too lazy, I'll thank you.