Le Guillotine--A Revolutionary Product!

Mah dearly beloved and I always celebrated Christmas in July. Why? Zee lines are shorter, but of course!

In gay Pahree, there eez no need for zee Christmas tree. It eez a good theeng too, because we used zee wood from zee tree to help assemble zee perfect Christmas gift for my dear, "sweet" Marie Antoinette: Le guillotine!

Now when she says, "Off with their heads," people listen.

Product Details:

Zee guillotine eez a device used for carrying out zee execu-SHONS by decapita-SHON. Oui, but of course, it can also be used for slicing zee vegetables. It consists of a tall upright frame suspending zee heavy blade. Theez blade eez raised with zee rope and zen allowed to drop, severing zee crimi-NAL's head!

Viola!

Zee crescent blade eez very very sharp. Eet can trim your back hairs, no? Zee lunette eez a two part yoke used to immobilize zee crimi-NAL's neck. Not only eez theez good for slicing, but allows zee pictures to be taken.

Zee cost eez 29.95 livres. And, if you order now, you get zee ginzu knife set free!

Mah Experi-ONSE:

When her Christmas present was unveiled for her, Marie was ecstatic! "Let zem eat cake!" she shouted with Christmas joy.

After Marie told zem zay could eat cake, zee peasants were very very ungrateful! Oui, you would theenk zay would respond better to zee Christmas cheer mah Marie tried to spread!

But NO! Zare was talk of revolu-SHON! We were innocently using zee guillotine to slice zee cucum-BAIREs for zee Chrismas din-NAIRE when we were apprehended by zee revolution-NAIREYs!

Oui, eet eez true! Zay used zee guillotine to behead my dear sweet wife (sob!). All she ever wanted for zem was for zem to have cake! Eez zat so bad? And oui, I am next! I must finish theez review in a hurry!

Fi-NE Thoughts

Zee yoke around mah neck eez very very tight. Ah can hardly breathe. Ah feel like an idi-OT! Eeet eez so embarrass-EENG! I ne-VAIRE should have bought theez stupid contrap-SHON from zee e-BAY!

I rate it.....